science-abridged
Original: science-abridged on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Top banner (author's note from Zach): HEY GEEKS! THE FOLLOWING IS AN AD FOR A NEW BOOK WE'RE RELEASING AS PART OF "KICKSTARTER GOLD" WE'RE ALSO OFFERING A DISCOUNTED BUNDLE OF BOOKS AT CLOSE TO ZERO PROFIT FOR US! CLICK FOR MORE INFO!
IF THAT DOESN'T INTEREST YOU, PLEASE CLICK BACK FOR TODAY'S TWO REGULAR SMBC UPDATES.
Signed: Thanks gals! Zach
Panel 1
Flame-haired man (Zach): DEAR LORD, IT'S ME, ZACH WEINERSMITH.
God (offscreen, in a box at top): UH, YES. I MADE YOU. PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL, YET HUMBLE. STRONG, YET GENTLE.
Flame-haired man: THAT RED-HEAD WHO'S REALLY GOOD AT COMICS?
God: NO. THAT'S RYAN NORTH.
Panel 2
Flame-haired man: YEAH YEAH SO, I NOTICED TWO YEARS AGO YOU DIDN'T STRIKE ME WITH LIGHTNING AFTER I ABRIDGED THE BIBLE DOWN TO A FEW SENTENCES PER CHAPTER.
God: I WOULD HAVE, BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE RYAN NORTH.
Panel 3
Flame-haired man: REALLY? THANKS!
God: LIKE I THOUGHT MAYBE HE'D GOTTEN IN AN ACCIDENT SO HIS SHOULDERS SHRANK AND HIS CHIN GOT WEAK.
Panel 4
Flame-haired man: RIGHT. WOW. ANYWAY LOOK, SINCE YOU ALLOWED THAT BOOK, I THOUGHT I SHOULD WRITE A SEQUEL.
God: BUT I WANTED THE NEW BOOK TO BE MORE EMPIRICAL.
Panel 5
Flame-haired man: NO MY FEELINGS ANYWAY MORE PRAGMATIC, MORE EMPIRICAL.
God: BUT I WANTED THE NEW BOOK TO BE MORE EMPIRICAL.
Panel 6
Flame-haired man: OH NO. NO. NO NO. YOU DIDN'T. YOU DIDN'T RUIN MY GREATEST CREATION, DID YOU? THE SONG OF REALITY, THE MELODY OF THE STARS, THAT WHICH GIVES RISE TO RYAN NORTH--
Sound effect: BAM!
(God holds out a book labeled SCIENCE ABRIDGED beyond belief.)
Bottom ad banner:
Introducing... SCIENCE ABRIDGED BEYOND BELIEF
An essential companion to... THE HOLY BIBLE ABRIDGED BEYOND BELIEF
...and the new SOONISH
CLICK TO BUY!
And you can get both signed and limited-run pop-up book. Soonish, for just $30 plus shipping.
Votey:
Handwritten in fancy script: This entire project was undertaken to creep out Ryan North.
IF THAT DOESN'T INTEREST YOU, PLEASE CLICK BACK FOR TODAY'S TWO REGULAR SMBC UPDATES.
Signed: Thanks gals! Zach
Panel 1
Flame-haired man (Zach): DEAR LORD, IT'S ME, ZACH WEINERSMITH.
God (offscreen, in a box at top): UH, YES. I MADE YOU. PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL, YET HUMBLE. STRONG, YET GENTLE.
Flame-haired man: THAT RED-HEAD WHO'S REALLY GOOD AT COMICS?
God: NO. THAT'S RYAN NORTH.
Panel 2
Flame-haired man: YEAH YEAH SO, I NOTICED TWO YEARS AGO YOU DIDN'T STRIKE ME WITH LIGHTNING AFTER I ABRIDGED THE BIBLE DOWN TO A FEW SENTENCES PER CHAPTER.
God: I WOULD HAVE, BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE RYAN NORTH.
Panel 3
Flame-haired man: REALLY? THANKS!
God: LIKE I THOUGHT MAYBE HE'D GOTTEN IN AN ACCIDENT SO HIS SHOULDERS SHRANK AND HIS CHIN GOT WEAK.
Panel 4
Flame-haired man: RIGHT. WOW. ANYWAY LOOK, SINCE YOU ALLOWED THAT BOOK, I THOUGHT I SHOULD WRITE A SEQUEL.
God: BUT I WANTED THE NEW BOOK TO BE MORE EMPIRICAL.
Panel 5
Flame-haired man: NO MY FEELINGS ANYWAY MORE PRAGMATIC, MORE EMPIRICAL.
God: BUT I WANTED THE NEW BOOK TO BE MORE EMPIRICAL.
Panel 6
Flame-haired man: OH NO. NO. NO NO. YOU DIDN'T. YOU DIDN'T RUIN MY GREATEST CREATION, DID YOU? THE SONG OF REALITY, THE MELODY OF THE STARS, THAT WHICH GIVES RISE TO RYAN NORTH--
Sound effect: BAM!
(God holds out a book labeled SCIENCE ABRIDGED beyond belief.)
Bottom ad banner:
Introducing... SCIENCE ABRIDGED BEYOND BELIEF
An essential companion to... THE HOLY BIBLE ABRIDGED BEYOND BELIEF
...and the new SOONISH
CLICK TO BUY!
And you can get both signed and limited-run pop-up book. Soonish, for just $30 plus shipping.
Votey:
Handwritten in fancy script: This entire project was undertaken to creep out Ryan North.
Alt text
An SMBC comic, six panels, framed as an in-comic ad for the book "Science Abridged Beyond Belief." A top banner is a note from cartoonist Zach Weinersmith announcing the ad, a discounted book bundle, and a Kickstarter, telling readers who aren't interested to click back for the regular SMBC updates.
In the panels, a flame-haired man (Zach) prays to God, whose dialogue appears in a box at the top. Zach says "Dear Lord, it's me, Zach Weinersmith." God replies that he made Zach perfectly beautiful yet humble. Zach asks if he's "that red-head who's really good at comics," and God says "No. That's Ryan North." Zach notes that two years ago God didn't smite him for abridging the Bible to a few sentences per chapter; God says he would have, but thought Zach was Ryan North, imagining Ryan had been in an accident that shrank his shoulders and weakened his chin. Zach pitches a sequel that's more empirical; God reveals he has already made it, holding out a book labeled "Science Abridged." With a "BAM!" Zach despairs that God ruined his greatest creation, "the song of reality... that which gives rise to Ryan North."
A bottom banner advertises "Science Abridged Beyond Belief," a companion to "The Holy Bible Abridged Beyond Belief" and the new book "Soonish," with a "CLICK TO BUY!" button.
The votey (bonus panel) is a single frame of fancy handwritten cursive reading: "This entire project was undertaken to creep out Ryan North."
In the panels, a flame-haired man (Zach) prays to God, whose dialogue appears in a box at the top. Zach says "Dear Lord, it's me, Zach Weinersmith." God replies that he made Zach perfectly beautiful yet humble. Zach asks if he's "that red-head who's really good at comics," and God says "No. That's Ryan North." Zach notes that two years ago God didn't smite him for abridging the Bible to a few sentences per chapter; God says he would have, but thought Zach was Ryan North, imagining Ryan had been in an accident that shrank his shoulders and weakened his chin. Zach pitches a sequel that's more empirical; God reveals he has already made it, holding out a book labeled "Science Abridged." With a "BAM!" Zach despairs that God ruined his greatest creation, "the song of reality... that which gives rise to Ryan North."
A bottom banner advertises "Science Abridged Beyond Belief," a companion to "The Holy Bible Abridged Beyond Belief" and the new book "Soonish," with a "CLICK TO BUY!" button.
The votey (bonus panel) is a single frame of fancy handwritten cursive reading: "This entire project was undertaken to creep out Ryan North."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.