dadbucks
Original: dadbucks on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Caption: I DECIDED TO CREATE A REWARD SYSTEM FOR HOUSEHOLD CHORES.
Father: BOY! FROM NOW ON, FOR EACH CHORE DONE, YOU WILL BE PAID IN "DADBUCKS," WHICH CAN BE EXCHANGED FOR ICE CREAM, THEME PARK OUTINGS, TOYS, CANDY, AND SO ON.
Caption: I OFFERED EXCELLENT RATES.
Boy: WOW! I CAN GO TO DISNEY LAND BY JUST MOWING THE LAWN TWICE?
Father: DON'T GET IRRATIONALLY EXUBERANT.
Caption: THE CHILD WORKED HARD.
Boy: *huff huff* I THINK I'M EXPERIENCING RHABDOMYOLYSIS.
Father: IS THAT GREEK FOR CHARACTER BUILDING?
Caption: BUT, THEN SOMETHING AWFUL HAPPENED.
Boy: THE EXCHANGE RATE IS GOING NUTS! DADBUCKS HAVE FALLEN 50% IN VALUE THIS HOUR!
Father: MY GOSH! I'D BETTER CONTACT THE DADBUCK RESERVE BANK.
Caption: POLICY CHANGES WERE ISSUED.
Father: THE PEOPLE OF THE HOUSEHOLD HAVE LOST FAITH IN THE VALUE OF THE DADBUCK. IN ORDER TO REMEDY THIS SITUATION, WE ARE ASKING ALL CITIZENS TO TAKE A 20% HAIRCUT TO THEIR SAVINGS.
Boy: WELL... IF IT STOPS THE PROBLEM...
Caption: IT DID NOT STOP THE PROBLEM.
Boy: DADBUCKS ARE IN FREEFALL! IT'S NOW 14 TRILLION DADBUCKS FOR A SINGLE ICE CREAM!
Father: I BLAME THE MEDIA.
Caption: NEW STRATEGIES WERE PROPOSED.
Boy: WHAT IF WE PEGGED THE DADBUCK TO A STABLE CURRENCY?
Father: GREAT IDEA!
Caption: NEW PROBLEMS AROSE.
Boy: OKAY! CAN I TRADE 400 DADBUCKS FOR ONE COOKIE?
Father: NOBODY BELIEVES THAT'S THE REAL EXCHANGE RATE. BUT, I KNOW A GUY YOU CAN MEET BEHIND THE HOUSE WHO'S PREPARED TO MAKE A DEAL.
Caption: THE BLACK MARKET WAS A DANGEROUS PLACE.
Man in alley: I CAN GETCHA ONE DOLLAR STORE LEMON DROP FOR 700 DB.
Boy: DAD, I KNOW IT'S YOU.
Man in alley: NO NAMES, KID. JUST CALL ME TURBO-VIPER.
Caption: THE SYSTEM WORKED GREAT.
Boy: I'M NEVER DOING A CHORE AGAIN!
Father: THAT'S FINE. THE IMPORTANT THING TO NOTE IS THAT IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE DISHES AREN'T DONE.
Caption: BUT A GREAT EXTERNALITY WAS DISCOVERED.
Mother: IT'S YOUR FAULT THE DISHES AREN'T DONE.
Caption: A FOREIGN LEADER GAINED CONTROL OF THE BANKING SECTOR. THE INTELLIGENTSIA WERE FORCED TO LABOR LIKE COMMON PEASANTS.
(Father mows the lawn.)
Caption: THE LOYALTY OF THE CITIZENS HAS BEEN PURCHASED CHEAP.
Mother (handing boy a cookie): HERE'S A COOKIE, AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT OUR HOME LIFE.
Caption: AND DESPOTISM IS THE LAW OF THE LAND.
Mother: I THINK YOU SHOULD CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING TO HOUSEHOLD MAINTENANCE.
Father: AGAIN WITH THIS ARGUMENT!
Votey: A hand-lettered caption in an empty panel reads: "This comic is Pre-autobiographical."
Father: BOY! FROM NOW ON, FOR EACH CHORE DONE, YOU WILL BE PAID IN "DADBUCKS," WHICH CAN BE EXCHANGED FOR ICE CREAM, THEME PARK OUTINGS, TOYS, CANDY, AND SO ON.
Caption: I OFFERED EXCELLENT RATES.
Boy: WOW! I CAN GO TO DISNEY LAND BY JUST MOWING THE LAWN TWICE?
Father: DON'T GET IRRATIONALLY EXUBERANT.
Caption: THE CHILD WORKED HARD.
Boy: *huff huff* I THINK I'M EXPERIENCING RHABDOMYOLYSIS.
Father: IS THAT GREEK FOR CHARACTER BUILDING?
Caption: BUT, THEN SOMETHING AWFUL HAPPENED.
Boy: THE EXCHANGE RATE IS GOING NUTS! DADBUCKS HAVE FALLEN 50% IN VALUE THIS HOUR!
Father: MY GOSH! I'D BETTER CONTACT THE DADBUCK RESERVE BANK.
Caption: POLICY CHANGES WERE ISSUED.
Father: THE PEOPLE OF THE HOUSEHOLD HAVE LOST FAITH IN THE VALUE OF THE DADBUCK. IN ORDER TO REMEDY THIS SITUATION, WE ARE ASKING ALL CITIZENS TO TAKE A 20% HAIRCUT TO THEIR SAVINGS.
Boy: WELL... IF IT STOPS THE PROBLEM...
Caption: IT DID NOT STOP THE PROBLEM.
Boy: DADBUCKS ARE IN FREEFALL! IT'S NOW 14 TRILLION DADBUCKS FOR A SINGLE ICE CREAM!
Father: I BLAME THE MEDIA.
Caption: NEW STRATEGIES WERE PROPOSED.
Boy: WHAT IF WE PEGGED THE DADBUCK TO A STABLE CURRENCY?
Father: GREAT IDEA!
Caption: NEW PROBLEMS AROSE.
Boy: OKAY! CAN I TRADE 400 DADBUCKS FOR ONE COOKIE?
Father: NOBODY BELIEVES THAT'S THE REAL EXCHANGE RATE. BUT, I KNOW A GUY YOU CAN MEET BEHIND THE HOUSE WHO'S PREPARED TO MAKE A DEAL.
Caption: THE BLACK MARKET WAS A DANGEROUS PLACE.
Man in alley: I CAN GETCHA ONE DOLLAR STORE LEMON DROP FOR 700 DB.
Boy: DAD, I KNOW IT'S YOU.
Man in alley: NO NAMES, KID. JUST CALL ME TURBO-VIPER.
Caption: THE SYSTEM WORKED GREAT.
Boy: I'M NEVER DOING A CHORE AGAIN!
Father: THAT'S FINE. THE IMPORTANT THING TO NOTE IS THAT IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE DISHES AREN'T DONE.
Caption: BUT A GREAT EXTERNALITY WAS DISCOVERED.
Mother: IT'S YOUR FAULT THE DISHES AREN'T DONE.
Caption: A FOREIGN LEADER GAINED CONTROL OF THE BANKING SECTOR. THE INTELLIGENTSIA WERE FORCED TO LABOR LIKE COMMON PEASANTS.
(Father mows the lawn.)
Caption: THE LOYALTY OF THE CITIZENS HAS BEEN PURCHASED CHEAP.
Mother (handing boy a cookie): HERE'S A COOKIE, AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT OUR HOME LIFE.
Caption: AND DESPOTISM IS THE LAW OF THE LAND.
Mother: I THINK YOU SHOULD CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING TO HOUSEHOLD MAINTENANCE.
Father: AGAIN WITH THIS ARGUMENT!
Votey: A hand-lettered caption in an empty panel reads: "This comic is Pre-autobiographical."
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic that retells a household chore-allowance scheme as a parody of a collapsing national economy, each panel headed by a dry narrator caption. A red-haired bespectacled father tells his young son that every chore will earn "Dadbucks," redeemable for ice cream and toys ("I offered excellent rates"). The eager boy works himself to exhaustion ("I think I'm experiencing rhabdomyolysis"). Then the currency crashes: Dadbucks fall 50% in an hour, the father plays central banker and announces a 20% "haircut" to savings, and hyperinflation hits (14 trillion Dadbucks for one ice cream) as he blames the media. They try pegging the Dadbuck to a stable currency, which spawns a black market: the father, in a trench coat in the alley behind the house, deals lemon drops under the alias "Turbo-Viper" while the boy says "Dad, I know it's you." The boy quits chores; the father insists it's not his fault the dishes aren't done, but the mother retorts that it absolutely is his fault ("a great externality"). A foreign leader seizes the banking sector and the father ends up mowing the lawn as forced labor. Finally the mother bribes the boy with a cookie, begging him not to tell anyone about their home life, and "despotism is the law of the land" as she nags the father, who groans "Again with this argument!" Votey: a small extra panel of empty hand-lettered text reading "This comic is Pre-autobiographical."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.