a-realistic-alien-invasion
Original: a-realistic-alien-invasion on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A small green alien stands beside its flying saucer, addressing a human woman.
Alien: We have come to take your planet!
Woman: That's fine.
Panel 2:
Woman: But I don't think we're fit to govern ourselves. Here, I'll tie myself up.
Panel 3: The alien looks dejected.
Alien: I don't think...
Panel 4: The woman, now tied up with rope, sits calmly.
Woman: Could you help me with the ropes? I've failed because humans are failure.
Panel 5:
Alien: You sho[uld]—
Woman: I'd ask another human, but humans are no longer capable of taking coordinated action.
Panel 6: The alien looks distressed.
Alien: You're kind of sapping the joy out of this.
Panel 7:
Woman: Can I work in your mines? Or perhaps you'd just like to eat me?
Panel 8:
Alien: You want to be eaten?
Woman: It'd be nice to contribute to something valuable.
Panel 9 (labeled LATER): Two aliens talk.
First alien: How'd the conquest go?
Second alien: It was a disaster.
First alien: What should we do?
Second alien: Send them a fruit basket?
Votey:
A close-up of the alien, eyes welling with tears, looking up.
Alien: We are so fortunate.
Alien: We have come to take your planet!
Woman: That's fine.
Panel 2:
Woman: But I don't think we're fit to govern ourselves. Here, I'll tie myself up.
Panel 3: The alien looks dejected.
Alien: I don't think...
Panel 4: The woman, now tied up with rope, sits calmly.
Woman: Could you help me with the ropes? I've failed because humans are failure.
Panel 5:
Alien: You sho[uld]—
Woman: I'd ask another human, but humans are no longer capable of taking coordinated action.
Panel 6: The alien looks distressed.
Alien: You're kind of sapping the joy out of this.
Panel 7:
Woman: Can I work in your mines? Or perhaps you'd just like to eat me?
Panel 8:
Alien: You want to be eaten?
Woman: It'd be nice to contribute to something valuable.
Panel 9 (labeled LATER): Two aliens talk.
First alien: How'd the conquest go?
Second alien: It was a disaster.
First alien: What should we do?
Second alien: Send them a fruit basket?
Votey:
A close-up of the alien, eyes welling with tears, looking up.
Alien: We are so fortunate.
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. A small green alien lands its flying saucer and tells a human woman, "We have come to take your planet!" She replies, "That's fine," then adds that humans aren't fit to govern themselves and proceeds to tie herself up with rope. She keeps undercutting the conquest with relentless self-deprecation: she asks the alien to help with the ropes "because humans are failure," says she can't ask another human since "humans are no longer capable of taking coordinated action," and offers to work in the alien's mines or be eaten so she can "contribute to something valuable." The increasingly dismayed alien protests, "You're kind of sapping the joy out of this." In the final panel, labeled LATER, two aliens debrief: "How'd the conquest go?" "It was a disaster." "What should we do?" "Send them a fruit basket?" Votey: a tearful close-up of the alien, eyes brimming, saying, "We are so fortunate." The joke: the humans' abject self-loathing is so depressing it ruins the thrill of conquest for the would-be invaders.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.