finals-nightmare
Original: finals-nightmare on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A young man with orange hair speaks to a woman with dark hair.
Man: "I have this dream where I have a test in five minutes and I haven't studied at all."
Panel 2 (narration caption): "I walk into class, sweating and shaking..."
(narration caption): "Fortunately, it turns out the undergraduate college system has spent decades emphasizing grade point averages over subject mastery."
Panel 3: A professor gestures to the orange-haired man.
Professor: "Please have a seat."
(narration caption): "Professors have been converted from monastic scholars to purveyors of product, fearful of dissatisfying their customers."
Panel 4: The orange-haired man holds a paper; the professor responds.
(narration caption): "So despite my lack of effort or understanding, I pass the class."
Professor: "If you had a bad testing experience, please please PLEASE tell me before you talk to admin."
Professor: "I see you just drew kitties on every page. Is a C+ okay?"
Panel 5 (two small scenes): the man and professor at a desk; the professor on a phone at an office desk.
Panel 6: The orange-haired man stands beside the dark-haired woman.
Woman: "So, this isn't a nightmare then?"
Man: "Not till I'm 40 or so, no."
Votey:
Panel 1: A woman wearing glasses cradles a baby; a small child stands looking up at them.
Panel 2: A figure with flame-like orange hair leans on a podium/counter, speaking with a sly expression.
Flame-haired figure: "And now to insult my core demographic!"
Man: "I have this dream where I have a test in five minutes and I haven't studied at all."
Panel 2 (narration caption): "I walk into class, sweating and shaking..."
(narration caption): "Fortunately, it turns out the undergraduate college system has spent decades emphasizing grade point averages over subject mastery."
Panel 3: A professor gestures to the orange-haired man.
Professor: "Please have a seat."
(narration caption): "Professors have been converted from monastic scholars to purveyors of product, fearful of dissatisfying their customers."
Panel 4: The orange-haired man holds a paper; the professor responds.
(narration caption): "So despite my lack of effort or understanding, I pass the class."
Professor: "If you had a bad testing experience, please please PLEASE tell me before you talk to admin."
Professor: "I see you just drew kitties on every page. Is a C+ okay?"
Panel 5 (two small scenes): the man and professor at a desk; the professor on a phone at an office desk.
Panel 6: The orange-haired man stands beside the dark-haired woman.
Woman: "So, this isn't a nightmare then?"
Man: "Not till I'm 40 or so, no."
Votey:
Panel 1: A woman wearing glasses cradles a baby; a small child stands looking up at them.
Panel 2: A figure with flame-like orange hair leans on a podium/counter, speaking with a sly expression.
Flame-haired figure: "And now to insult my core demographic!"
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. An orange-haired young man tells a dark-haired woman about a recurring anxiety dream: he has a test in five minutes and hasn't studied at all. Captions narrate him walking into class sweating and shaking — but "fortunately" the undergraduate college system has spent decades emphasizing GPA over subject mastery. A professor invites him to sit; the narration notes professors have been converted from monastic scholars into customer-pleasing purveyors of product. Despite no effort or understanding, he passes: the professor begs him to report any bad testing experience before going to admin, and notes that since he just drew kitties on every page, a C+ is okay. In the final panel the woman asks, "So, this isn't a nightmare then?" and he replies, "Not till I'm 40 or so, no" — the joke being the system rewards him now but the consequences arrive in midlife. Votey (hand-drawn aftercomic): a bespectacled woman cradles a baby while a small child looks up; a figure with flame-like orange hair leans on a counter with a sly grin and says, "And now to insult my core demographic!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.