life-as-a-berserker
Original: life-as-a-berserker on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Two Viking warriors talk to each other across the panels.
Panel 1 (a bearded Viking): "It's a good job being a berserker. The loot is above average, the episodes of uncontrolled bloodlust reveal a lot about your own character, you get to work outside."
Panel 2 (a balding Viking): "Yeah, but what they don't like is the work-related stress."
Panel 3 (bearded Viking): "Descending into a blind rage is associated with thickening of the arteries and cardiac hypertrophy."
Panel 4 (balding Viking): "And now they're saying ax wounds to the head are linked to brain damage!"
Panel 5 (bearded Viking): "Hey, work is work." (balding Viking, surprised): "WHAT?"
Panel 6 (balding Viking): "There's a study this year that suggests Frenchmen feel pain."
Panel 6 (bearded Viking): "I dunno. Honestly I also have ethical concerns."
Panel 7 (balding Viking): "Oh my god, Hakan, if Frenchmen felt pain they would say so instead of just making all of those gibberish noises!" (bearded Viking): "Yeah, true."
Panel 8 (bearded Viking): "Hey, what if instead of pillaging, we created a socialist democracy that's known for meatballs and cheerful furniture." (balding Viking, laughing): "AHAHA HAHAHA HA!"
Votey: The bearded Viking, hand on chin, thinking, says: "Unless we could infiltrate them with furniture stores..."
Panel 1 (a bearded Viking): "It's a good job being a berserker. The loot is above average, the episodes of uncontrolled bloodlust reveal a lot about your own character, you get to work outside."
Panel 2 (a balding Viking): "Yeah, but what they don't like is the work-related stress."
Panel 3 (bearded Viking): "Descending into a blind rage is associated with thickening of the arteries and cardiac hypertrophy."
Panel 4 (balding Viking): "And now they're saying ax wounds to the head are linked to brain damage!"
Panel 5 (bearded Viking): "Hey, work is work." (balding Viking, surprised): "WHAT?"
Panel 6 (balding Viking): "There's a study this year that suggests Frenchmen feel pain."
Panel 6 (bearded Viking): "I dunno. Honestly I also have ethical concerns."
Panel 7 (balding Viking): "Oh my god, Hakan, if Frenchmen felt pain they would say so instead of just making all of those gibberish noises!" (bearded Viking): "Yeah, true."
Panel 8 (bearded Viking): "Hey, what if instead of pillaging, we created a socialist democracy that's known for meatballs and cheerful furniture." (balding Viking, laughing): "AHAHA HAHAHA HA!"
Votey: The bearded Viking, hand on chin, thinking, says: "Unless we could infiltrate them with furniture stores..."
Alt text
A black-and-white comic strip of two bearded Viking warriors chatting across eight panels. The first Viking lists the perks of being a berserker: above-average loot, self-revealing bloodlust, working outside. The second notes the downsides are work-related stress, arterial thickening, cardiac hypertrophy, and now brain damage from ax wounds to the head, framing Viking raiding like a modern occupation with health hazards. One says "Hey, work is work," the other replies "WHAT?" before citing a study that "suggests Frenchmen feel pain" and admitting ethical concerns. The other dismisses this: "if Frenchmen felt pain they would say so instead of just making all of those gibberish noises!" Finally the first proposes: "what if instead of pillaging, we created a socialist democracy that's known for meatballs and cheerful furniture" -- a joke about Sweden and IKEA -- and the other bursts out laughing. In the votey aftercomic, a single panel shows the bearded Viking with his hand on his chin, thoughtful, conceding: "Unless we could infiltrate them with furniture stores..."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.