super-efficient
Original: super-efficient on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Superman: Listen, kid. You don't want to be a superhero.
Flame-haired hero: How can you say that?
Panel 2:
Superman: I started superheroing in the 1930s. Do you know how much population has changed since then? The metropolitan area has thirty times more people.
Panel 3:
Superman: Every time I stopped a mugger in 1934, it provided much more overall security as when you stop thirty.
Panel 4:
Superman: The more people and technology, the less the value of any individual hero. That's why we all formed leagues in the '60s and '70s. And '80s.
Panel 5:
Superman: These drive your organization needs. At least forty heroes, plus assistants, accounting, I.T., and so on.
Panel 6:
Superman: Just to sustain this organization, you'll need to expand into services or manufacturing. Probably both.
Panel 7:
Superman: Do you know the most efficient superhero today, in terms of lives saved per dollar?
Flame-haired hero: ...Is it Batman?
Panel 8:
Superman: It's spreadsheets. Who can analyze spreadsheets at speeds far beyond those of mortal men.
Panel 9:
Superman: Honestly, I'm not even sure she's really super. She might just be an incredibly boring person.
Panel 10:
Superman: Bigger societies are more statistical. Small society has simple rules. Bigger society has to be more utilitarian. Bigger still, and chaos is basically a branch of macroeconomics.
Panel 11:
Flame-haired hero: You're... what. Super strong? Super fast?
Superman: Yeah. And I have laser-eyes.
Panel 12:
Flame-haired hero: Right.
Panel 13:
Superman: None of that stuff matters if you could do super pattern-recognition or had powers of super-prediction. Sure.
Flame-haired hero: I see.
Panel 14:
Superman: So, you won't take me as your protege?
Flame-haired hero: Are you familiar with the concept of the 'unpaid intern'?
Votey:
A frowning older woman in business attire, wearing a small paper party crown labeled "Super" and a name tag reading "Spreadsheets," sits hunched at a computer monitor, glaring at the screen.
Superman: Listen, kid. You don't want to be a superhero.
Flame-haired hero: How can you say that?
Panel 2:
Superman: I started superheroing in the 1930s. Do you know how much population has changed since then? The metropolitan area has thirty times more people.
Panel 3:
Superman: Every time I stopped a mugger in 1934, it provided much more overall security as when you stop thirty.
Panel 4:
Superman: The more people and technology, the less the value of any individual hero. That's why we all formed leagues in the '60s and '70s. And '80s.
Panel 5:
Superman: These drive your organization needs. At least forty heroes, plus assistants, accounting, I.T., and so on.
Panel 6:
Superman: Just to sustain this organization, you'll need to expand into services or manufacturing. Probably both.
Panel 7:
Superman: Do you know the most efficient superhero today, in terms of lives saved per dollar?
Flame-haired hero: ...Is it Batman?
Panel 8:
Superman: It's spreadsheets. Who can analyze spreadsheets at speeds far beyond those of mortal men.
Panel 9:
Superman: Honestly, I'm not even sure she's really super. She might just be an incredibly boring person.
Panel 10:
Superman: Bigger societies are more statistical. Small society has simple rules. Bigger society has to be more utilitarian. Bigger still, and chaos is basically a branch of macroeconomics.
Panel 11:
Flame-haired hero: You're... what. Super strong? Super fast?
Superman: Yeah. And I have laser-eyes.
Panel 12:
Flame-haired hero: Right.
Panel 13:
Superman: None of that stuff matters if you could do super pattern-recognition or had powers of super-prediction. Sure.
Flame-haired hero: I see.
Panel 14:
Superman: So, you won't take me as your protege?
Flame-haired hero: Are you familiar with the concept of the 'unpaid intern'?
Votey:
A frowning older woman in business attire, wearing a small paper party crown labeled "Super" and a name tag reading "Spreadsheets," sits hunched at a computer monitor, glaring at the screen.
Alt text
A black-and-white SMBC comic. Across many panels, a tall caped superhero who looks like Superman lectures a younger hero with flame-like hair about why being a superhero is a bad idea. Superman explains that he started in the 1930s, and as population and technology grew, the value of any individual hero shrank, so heroes formed leagues and now need huge organizations with dozens of heroes plus IT, accounting, and assistants. He says the most efficient superhero today, measured in lives saved per dollar, is 'spreadsheets' -- someone who analyzes data at superhuman speeds and may just be an incredibly boring person. He argues bigger societies become more statistical and utilitarian, like macroeconomics. The flame-haired hero asks if Superman is super-strong or fast; Superman says yes, plus laser-eyes, and the hero flatly replies 'Right.' Superman notes none of that matters compared to super pattern-recognition or prediction. When Superman asks to be taken on as a protege, the flame-haired hero asks if he's familiar with the concept of the 'unpaid intern.' Votey panel: a frowning older woman at a computer wears a small paper crown labeled 'Super' and a name tag reading 'Spreadsheets' -- the real most efficient superhero.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.