a-bad-ad-hoc-theory
Original: a-bad-ad-hoc-theory on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: Caption: Scientists have noticed that squirrels bury far more acorns than they can ever dig up.
(A woman with dark hair stands in front of a purple background.)
Panel 2: Caption: The common hypothesis is that burying many acorns is less energetically expensive than burying them in specific places and remembering.
Woman: I have a better theory.
Panel 3: Caption: Acorns evolved to look like the heads of dead squirrels.
(Two acorns are shown side by side.)
Panel 4: Caption: When the acorn falls, the squirrel is so affronted it buries the "head" immediately.
(A squirrel is shown.)
Panel 5: Caption: But no sooner has he buried the gruesome thing than another falls nearby.
Panel 6: Caption: As more fall, the squirrel struggles in vain to bury them as fast as possible.
Panel 7: Caption: By the time spring is over, many acorns have been buried, and the squirrel has been driven beyond the pale of sanity.
(Close-up of a wide-eyed squirrel.)
Panel 8: Caption: The result is twofold.
Panel 9: Caption: The tree is able to reproduce since its seeds have been sown everywhere.
Panel 10: Caption: The squirrel, who is now nuts, finds sustenance during winter by digging up the skulls of the dead and eating their brains.
Panel 11: Woman: I will now put a whole bunch of fourteenth order differential equations on the projector, which will make you appear to look stupid by asking questions.
Panel 12: An audience member: Any questions?
(People in the audience are silent.)
Panel 13: Woman: I will now transmit my results to all pop science websites.
(A small figure reacts: Sigh.)
Votey: Handwritten text: The "nuts" joke made it all worth it.
(A woman with dark hair stands in front of a purple background.)
Panel 2: Caption: The common hypothesis is that burying many acorns is less energetically expensive than burying them in specific places and remembering.
Woman: I have a better theory.
Panel 3: Caption: Acorns evolved to look like the heads of dead squirrels.
(Two acorns are shown side by side.)
Panel 4: Caption: When the acorn falls, the squirrel is so affronted it buries the "head" immediately.
(A squirrel is shown.)
Panel 5: Caption: But no sooner has he buried the gruesome thing than another falls nearby.
Panel 6: Caption: As more fall, the squirrel struggles in vain to bury them as fast as possible.
Panel 7: Caption: By the time spring is over, many acorns have been buried, and the squirrel has been driven beyond the pale of sanity.
(Close-up of a wide-eyed squirrel.)
Panel 8: Caption: The result is twofold.
Panel 9: Caption: The tree is able to reproduce since its seeds have been sown everywhere.
Panel 10: Caption: The squirrel, who is now nuts, finds sustenance during winter by digging up the skulls of the dead and eating their brains.
Panel 11: Woman: I will now put a whole bunch of fourteenth order differential equations on the projector, which will make you appear to look stupid by asking questions.
Panel 12: An audience member: Any questions?
(People in the audience are silent.)
Panel 13: Woman: I will now transmit my results to all pop science websites.
(A small figure reacts: Sigh.)
Votey: Handwritten text: The "nuts" joke made it all worth it.
Alt text
An SMBC comic. A dark-haired woman lectures in front of a purple background. Caption: scientists have noticed squirrels bury far more acorns than they can ever dig up. The common hypothesis is that mass burial is less energetically expensive than burying in remembered spots, but she says she has a better theory. Her theory, shown panel by panel: acorns evolved to look like the heads of dead squirrels (two acorns shown). When an acorn falls, the offended squirrel immediately buries the 'head,' but more keep falling, and the increasingly wild-eyed squirrel struggles to bury them all, driven 'beyond the pale of sanity' by spring's end. The result is twofold: the tree reproduces because seeds get sown everywhere, and the now-nuts squirrel survives winter by digging up the buried skulls and eating their brains. She then says she'll project fourteenth-order differential equations to make the audience too intimidated to ask questions; an audience member asks 'Any questions?' to a silent crowd. Finally she announces she'll transmit her results to all pop science websites while a small figure sighs. Votey panel: handwritten text reading 'The "nuts" joke made it all worth it.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.