2013-12-25
Original: 2013-12-25 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Elf: Santa, I've been thinking about the whole Naughty vs. Nice issue.
Santa: Ho ho ho! What is it?
Panel 2:
Elf: Well, crime and poverty are positively correlated. Kids with money and education options and stable homes are statistically less likely to commit crimes.
Panel 3:
Elf: If that's so, we're denying presents to kids who need them most, and giving presents to kids who need them least. All the while tacitly endorsing the notion that poor children should be blamed for their own poverty.
Panel 4:
Santa: Ho ho ho! Santa is a social Darwinist!
Elf: I'll never ask a question again.
Votey:
Santa (close-up, glaring): See that you don't.
Elf: Santa, I've been thinking about the whole Naughty vs. Nice issue.
Santa: Ho ho ho! What is it?
Panel 2:
Elf: Well, crime and poverty are positively correlated. Kids with money and education options and stable homes are statistically less likely to commit crimes.
Panel 3:
Elf: If that's so, we're denying presents to kids who need them most, and giving presents to kids who need them least. All the while tacitly endorsing the notion that poor children should be blamed for their own poverty.
Panel 4:
Santa: Ho ho ho! Santa is a social Darwinist!
Elf: I'll never ask a question again.
Votey:
Santa (close-up, glaring): See that you don't.
Alt text
A four-panel comic in which an elf raises a moral objection to Santa. The elf argues that crime and poverty are positively correlated, so children with money, education, and stable homes are statistically less likely to commit crimes. Therefore, the elf reasons, the naughty-vs-nice system denies presents to the kids who need them most and rewards those who need them least, while tacitly blaming poor children for their own poverty. Santa cheerfully laughs it off, declaring 'Ho ho ho! Santa is a social Darwinist!' The defeated elf says 'I'll never ask a question again.' In the votey aftercomic, a menacing extreme close-up of Santa's face glares directly out and warns, 'See that you don't.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.