2013-09-18
Original: 2013-09-18 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A figure in a green hood stands in a dark stone archway/doorway.
Narrator: I went back in time to stop Hitler.
Panel 2: A document with handwriting.
Narrator: I didn't have the nerve to kill him, so I arranged for him to enter an art university to offer him an art scholarship before he became a politician.
Panel 3: A letter that reads "ACCEPTANCE".
Narrator: I had hoped to avert one war, but things turned out far better than expected.
Panel 4: The green-hooded figure stands before a computer monitor that displays "WORLD CELEBRATES 100 YEARS OF PEACE".
Narrator: In fact, the present was so good, I destroyed the time machine and its building plans, so I would never be tempted to tweak the past.
Panel 5: A flaming furnace/incinerator beside the green-hooded figure.
Narrator: Which felt like a great idea. Noble. Righteous. Magnanimous.
Panel 6: A man sits at a table with a green drink; a woman with brown hair sits across from him.
Narrator: But in retrospect, I shouldn't have been quite so hasty.
Panel 7: A first-person view of hands holding an open greeting card. The card reads "Happy Birthday Granddaughter!!" and shows a photo of an older couple. Handwritten note: "Love & Kisses, Hitler".
Votey:
A woman with a worried, downcast face speaks.
Woman: So THAT'S why grampa was always annexing Austria...
Narrator: I went back in time to stop Hitler.
Panel 2: A document with handwriting.
Narrator: I didn't have the nerve to kill him, so I arranged for him to enter an art university to offer him an art scholarship before he became a politician.
Panel 3: A letter that reads "ACCEPTANCE".
Narrator: I had hoped to avert one war, but things turned out far better than expected.
Panel 4: The green-hooded figure stands before a computer monitor that displays "WORLD CELEBRATES 100 YEARS OF PEACE".
Narrator: In fact, the present was so good, I destroyed the time machine and its building plans, so I would never be tempted to tweak the past.
Panel 5: A flaming furnace/incinerator beside the green-hooded figure.
Narrator: Which felt like a great idea. Noble. Righteous. Magnanimous.
Panel 6: A man sits at a table with a green drink; a woman with brown hair sits across from him.
Narrator: But in retrospect, I shouldn't have been quite so hasty.
Panel 7: A first-person view of hands holding an open greeting card. The card reads "Happy Birthday Granddaughter!!" and shows a photo of an older couple. Handwritten note: "Love & Kisses, Hitler".
Votey:
A woman with a worried, downcast face speaks.
Woman: So THAT'S why grampa was always annexing Austria...
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic narrated in the first person by a time traveler (shown as a green-hooded figure). Panel 1: the figure in a dark stone archway, captioned "I went back in time to stop Hitler." Panel 2: a handwritten document, captioned that he didn't have the nerve to kill Hitler, so he arranged an art-university scholarship for him before he became a politician. Panel 3: a letter reading "ACCEPTANCE," with the hope of averting one war but things turning out far better than expected. Panel 4: the figure before a monitor reading "WORLD CELEBRATES 100 YEARS OF PEACE"; he says the present was so good he destroyed the time machine and its building plans so he'd never be tempted to tweak the past. Panel 5: a flaming incinerator beside the figure; "Which felt like a great idea. Noble. Righteous. Magnanimous." Panel 6: a man with a green drink sitting across from a brown-haired woman; "But in retrospect, I shouldn't have been quite so hasty." Panel 7 (the punchline): a first-person view of hands holding an open birthday card reading "Happy Birthday Granddaughter!!" with a photo of an older couple and a handwritten "Love & Kisses, Hitler" — revealing the time traveler accidentally made Hitler his own happy, peaceful grandfather. Votey: a worried-looking woman says "So THAT'S why grampa was always annexing Austria..."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.