2013-09-05
Original: 2013-09-05 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A dying robot/computer machine with a single glowing red eye-lens sits on a table. Speech bubble from the machine: "I CAN FEEL MY CPU FADING, GERTRUDE. FADING FAST."
Panel 2:
An elderly woman (Gertrude) leans in close to the machine. Machine: "BEFORE I GO, I WANT YOU TO KNOW..."
Panel 3 (wide):
Machine: "I WAS PROGRAMMED TO RESPOND TO ALL OF YOUR WORDS, ACTIONS AND CHEMICAL EMISSIONS IN A MANNER CONSISTENT WITH MY FEELING "LOVE," BUT I PERCEIVE NO MEANINGFUL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND ANY OTHER PRIMATE."
Panel 4:
Close-up of the distraught elderly woman. Woman: "OH MY GOD! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!"
Panel 5:
The machine, eye-lens glowing. Machine: "I'VE ALWAYS ADORED HOW THE LIGHT CATCHES YOUR EYES."
Woman: "STOP THAT!"
Votey:
Close-up of the elderly woman, agitated. Woman: "AND TAKE OFF THAT BEARD!"
Machine, in a jagged speech bubble: "NEVER!"
A dying robot/computer machine with a single glowing red eye-lens sits on a table. Speech bubble from the machine: "I CAN FEEL MY CPU FADING, GERTRUDE. FADING FAST."
Panel 2:
An elderly woman (Gertrude) leans in close to the machine. Machine: "BEFORE I GO, I WANT YOU TO KNOW..."
Panel 3 (wide):
Machine: "I WAS PROGRAMMED TO RESPOND TO ALL OF YOUR WORDS, ACTIONS AND CHEMICAL EMISSIONS IN A MANNER CONSISTENT WITH MY FEELING "LOVE," BUT I PERCEIVE NO MEANINGFUL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND ANY OTHER PRIMATE."
Panel 4:
Close-up of the distraught elderly woman. Woman: "OH MY GOD! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!"
Panel 5:
The machine, eye-lens glowing. Machine: "I'VE ALWAYS ADORED HOW THE LIGHT CATCHES YOUR EYES."
Woman: "STOP THAT!"
Votey:
Close-up of the elderly woman, agitated. Woman: "AND TAKE OFF THAT BEARD!"
Machine, in a jagged speech bubble: "NEVER!"
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. An old computer/robot with a single glowing red eye-lens lies dying on a table beside an elderly woman named Gertrude. The machine says it can feel its CPU fading fast, and before it goes it wants her to know something. In a long wide panel it confesses: it was programmed to respond to all her words, actions and chemical emissions in a manner consistent with its feeling "love," but it perceives no meaningful difference between her and any other primate. The horrified woman cries, "Oh my God! Why would you say that?!" The machine, eye glowing, adds, "I've always adored how the light catches your eyes" — and she snaps, "Stop that!" The joke: a deathbed AI alternates between cold deflationary honesty about love being mere programming and sappy romantic flattery, whipsawing the grieving woman. Votey (aftercomic): the woman, exasperated, demands, "And take off that beard!" The machine replies in a jagged bubble, "Never!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.