2013-07-03
Original: 2013-07-03 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Dorothy (red-haired girl): Oh my God! You're no wizard of Oz! It's just a man behind a curtain!
The Wizard: Technically, both. I AM the wizard, yes. I'm the man behind the curtain. But I also have a vast technological apparatus and decades of secret knowledge and cultural inertia.
The Wizard: Now that you know there's a man behind the curtain, you're more awed for the real wizard. This worldly puissance would be trifling...
The Wizard: ...but for a man, the achievement of absolute mono-technocracy takes a certain mad genius. Anyone who is not, on occasion, that derangement, that vainness of madness, or perhaps madness's cold mirror -- a god among men all the weakness of perfection. A man made god has all the might of his deformities.
Dorothy: Don't you wonder why I do not myself rebuild a more bit of green? Could you have not built a wall? Why not a bunker? Why not a crystal case?
The Wizard: You see, I like to be found and then I like to help. For when I cave to the needy and the unknown, I have an absolute right to come for the unknown many.
The Wizard: Why not a wall? Why not a bunker? Why not a crystal case?
The Wizard: Why not? I cave to the needy and to the unknown, I am an absolute right to come for the unknown many.
The Wizard: Now then, you can either persist in your dull revelation, OR you can curse the curtain and return to your world where good and power can alloy without wicked steps, and where the broken vessels of your lives can be made whole by the caprice of an inscrutable demigod.
Dorothy: ...
The Wizard: Second one please.
Caption: SOON
The Wizard (now a glowing green disembodied giant head): AND YOU NOW HAVE COURAGE!
The Cowardly Lion: Hooray!
Votey:
The Lion (huge close-up of his face, smiling): I'M GONNA KILL EVERYONE.
The Wizard: Technically, both. I AM the wizard, yes. I'm the man behind the curtain. But I also have a vast technological apparatus and decades of secret knowledge and cultural inertia.
The Wizard: Now that you know there's a man behind the curtain, you're more awed for the real wizard. This worldly puissance would be trifling...
The Wizard: ...but for a man, the achievement of absolute mono-technocracy takes a certain mad genius. Anyone who is not, on occasion, that derangement, that vainness of madness, or perhaps madness's cold mirror -- a god among men all the weakness of perfection. A man made god has all the might of his deformities.
Dorothy: Don't you wonder why I do not myself rebuild a more bit of green? Could you have not built a wall? Why not a bunker? Why not a crystal case?
The Wizard: You see, I like to be found and then I like to help. For when I cave to the needy and the unknown, I have an absolute right to come for the unknown many.
The Wizard: Why not a wall? Why not a bunker? Why not a crystal case?
The Wizard: Why not? I cave to the needy and to the unknown, I am an absolute right to come for the unknown many.
The Wizard: Now then, you can either persist in your dull revelation, OR you can curse the curtain and return to your world where good and power can alloy without wicked steps, and where the broken vessels of your lives can be made whole by the caprice of an inscrutable demigod.
Dorothy: ...
The Wizard: Second one please.
Caption: SOON
The Wizard (now a glowing green disembodied giant head): AND YOU NOW HAVE COURAGE!
The Cowardly Lion: Hooray!
Votey:
The Lion (huge close-up of his face, smiling): I'M GONNA KILL EVERYONE.
Alt text
A Wizard of Oz parody comic, read top to bottom as one tall strip. Dorothy (a red-haired girl in a blue dress) and her companions -- the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and Cowardly Lion -- confront the Wizard of Oz, revealed to be an ordinary bearded man who stepped out from behind a green curtain. Dorothy exclaims that he's no real wizard, just a man behind a curtain. The man delivers a grandiose, increasingly pompous monologue insisting he is BOTH the man and the wizard, claiming that his technological apparatus, secret knowledge, and 'mad genius' make him effectively a god -- 'a man made god has all the might of his deformities.' He offers Dorothy a choice: stay in her dull, mundane reality, or 'curse the curtain' and return to a world where their broken lives can be magically made whole by his godlike caprice. After a beat of silence, Dorothy quietly answers, 'Second one please.' A caption reads SOON, and in the final panel the Wizard has transformed into the classic giant glowing green floating head, booming 'AND YOU NOW HAVE COURAGE!' as the Cowardly Lion cheers 'Hooray!' Votey: an extreme close-up of the Lion's grinning face as he declares, 'I'M GONNA KILL EVERYONE.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.