2013-04-22
Original: 2013-04-22 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption banner): OUR GIRL KEPT WALKING IN ON US HAVING SEX
Scene: A man with red hair and a woman with large dark hair lie together in bed. In the doorway, a small child with brown hair in a yellow shirt stands looking unhappy.
Panel 2 (caption banner): SO WE ATTACHED A WARNING BELL TO HER.
Scene: The red-haired man and the dark-haired woman stand smiling while the child, now with a large bell mounted on a curved pole attached to her, throws her arms up cheerfully.
Panel 3 (caption banner): TECHNICALLY IT WORKED
Scene: The couple is in bed again; the woman holds a bright pink trident. The child stands in the doorway with the bell, smiling.
Child: YES, SWEETIE?
Panel 4 (caption banner): BUT NOW I ASSOCIATE BELLS WITH THE COMBINATION OF GUILT AND DESIRE TO FINISH SEX AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
Child (now older, off to the side): DADDY, WHY DOES MOMMY RUN TO THE BATHROOM WHENEVER THE EGG TIMER GOES OFF?
The red-haired man (now an adult father): I'LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE... LIKE... 50 YEARS OLDER.
Panel 5 (caption banner): I'VE LEARNED TO CONTROL IT. EVEN TO USE IT TO ADVANTAGE.
The father (holding a stack of discs): HEY MY MOM SENT ME A GIANT STACK OF OLD CHURCH BELL CDs.
A voice (from off-panel, dark-skinned figure): DO ME!
Panel 6 (caption banner): BUT CHRISTMAS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
A child: WHY DO WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO SLEIGHBELL CAROLS OVER AND OVER?
The dark-haired woman (sweating, strained smile): 'TIS THE SEASON!
Votey:
A woman with dark hair speaks; beside her a sweaty red-haired man with closed eyes.
Woman: WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO WITH A SEX TRIDENT.
Man: I... NO IDEA.
Scene: A man with red hair and a woman with large dark hair lie together in bed. In the doorway, a small child with brown hair in a yellow shirt stands looking unhappy.
Panel 2 (caption banner): SO WE ATTACHED A WARNING BELL TO HER.
Scene: The red-haired man and the dark-haired woman stand smiling while the child, now with a large bell mounted on a curved pole attached to her, throws her arms up cheerfully.
Panel 3 (caption banner): TECHNICALLY IT WORKED
Scene: The couple is in bed again; the woman holds a bright pink trident. The child stands in the doorway with the bell, smiling.
Child: YES, SWEETIE?
Panel 4 (caption banner): BUT NOW I ASSOCIATE BELLS WITH THE COMBINATION OF GUILT AND DESIRE TO FINISH SEX AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
Child (now older, off to the side): DADDY, WHY DOES MOMMY RUN TO THE BATHROOM WHENEVER THE EGG TIMER GOES OFF?
The red-haired man (now an adult father): I'LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE... LIKE... 50 YEARS OLDER.
Panel 5 (caption banner): I'VE LEARNED TO CONTROL IT. EVEN TO USE IT TO ADVANTAGE.
The father (holding a stack of discs): HEY MY MOM SENT ME A GIANT STACK OF OLD CHURCH BELL CDs.
A voice (from off-panel, dark-skinned figure): DO ME!
Panel 6 (caption banner): BUT CHRISTMAS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
A child: WHY DO WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO SLEIGHBELL CAROLS OVER AND OVER?
The dark-haired woman (sweating, strained smile): 'TIS THE SEASON!
Votey:
A woman with dark hair speaks; beside her a sweaty red-haired man with closed eyes.
Woman: WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO WITH A SEX TRIDENT.
Man: I... NO IDEA.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic, each panel topped with an orange caption banner. Panel 1, "OUR GIRL KEPT WALKING IN ON US HAVING SEX": a red-haired man and a big-dark-haired woman in bed while their unhappy young daughter stands in the doorway. Panel 2, "SO WE ATTACHED A WARNING BELL TO HER": the parents smile as the cheerful girl now has a large bell mounted on a pole attached to her body, arms thrown up happily. Panel 3, "TECHNICALLY IT WORKED": the couple in bed (the woman holding a bright pink trident) and the bell-equipped girl in the doorway saying "YES, SWEETIE?". Panel 4, "BUT NOW I ASSOCIATE BELLS WITH THE COMBINATION OF GUILT AND DESIRE TO FINISH SEX AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE": the now-grown red-haired man as a dad; a child asks why mommy runs to the bathroom when the egg timer goes off, and he says he'll tell her when she's 50 years older. Panel 5, "I'VE LEARNED TO CONTROL IT. EVEN TO USE IT TO ADVANTAGE": he holds a stack of CDs saying his mom sent old church bell CDs, while an off-panel voice eagerly says "DO ME!". Panel 6, "BUT CHRISTMAS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME": a child complains about listening to sleighbell carols over and over, and the dark-haired woman, sweating with a strained smile, replies "'TIS THE SEASON!". Votey aftercomic: a close-up of the woman beside the sweaty, eyes-closed red-haired man. She asks, "WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO WITH A SEX TRIDENT." He answers, "I... NO IDEA."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.