2012-12-03
Original: 2012-12-03 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Priest (bald, gray beard, glasses, clerical collar): WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT THE MIRACLE OF CHRISTMAS IS?
Child (off-panel, speech bubble): IT'S HOW NORMALLY UNDESIRABLE FOODS ARE MAGICALLY TRANSMUTED INTO DELICIOUSNESS.
(The comic then shows side-by-side comparison panels, each labeled NOT CHRISTMAS on the left and CHRISTMAS on the right.)
NOT CHRISTMAS: WHY DO THEY GIVE YOU PEPPERMINTS WITH RECEIPTS? DOES ANYONE LIKE THESE?
CHRISTMAS: OOOH! CANDY CANES!
NOT CHRISTMAS: UGH. WHY DOES GRANDMA BUY DOLLAR STORE CHOCOLATE? IT TASTES LIKE WAX AND SADNESS.
CHRISTMAS: OH MAN! ANOTHER DAY ON THE ADVENT CALENDAR!
NOT CHRISTMAS: HOW'S ABOUT I MIX YOU UP A NICE COCKTAIL, THEN CRACK AN EGG IN IT? / WHY WOULD I EVER... WHAT?
CHRISTMAS: I LOVE EGGNOG.
Child (speech bubble): WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH JESUS?
Child's answer: TURNING BUTTER AND RUM INTO TASTINESS IS PROOF OF TRANSUBSTANTIATION.
Final panels:
Priest (smiling at a red-haired child): GOLD STAR, KIDDO. GOLD STAR.
Votey:
Caption (top): FRUITCAKE:
(Image: a fruitcake / brick-like loaf)
Caption (bottom): IMPERVIOUS TO MIRACLES
Priest (bald, gray beard, glasses, clerical collar): WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT THE MIRACLE OF CHRISTMAS IS?
Child (off-panel, speech bubble): IT'S HOW NORMALLY UNDESIRABLE FOODS ARE MAGICALLY TRANSMUTED INTO DELICIOUSNESS.
(The comic then shows side-by-side comparison panels, each labeled NOT CHRISTMAS on the left and CHRISTMAS on the right.)
NOT CHRISTMAS: WHY DO THEY GIVE YOU PEPPERMINTS WITH RECEIPTS? DOES ANYONE LIKE THESE?
CHRISTMAS: OOOH! CANDY CANES!
NOT CHRISTMAS: UGH. WHY DOES GRANDMA BUY DOLLAR STORE CHOCOLATE? IT TASTES LIKE WAX AND SADNESS.
CHRISTMAS: OH MAN! ANOTHER DAY ON THE ADVENT CALENDAR!
NOT CHRISTMAS: HOW'S ABOUT I MIX YOU UP A NICE COCKTAIL, THEN CRACK AN EGG IN IT? / WHY WOULD I EVER... WHAT?
CHRISTMAS: I LOVE EGGNOG.
Child (speech bubble): WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH JESUS?
Child's answer: TURNING BUTTER AND RUM INTO TASTINESS IS PROOF OF TRANSUBSTANTIATION.
Final panels:
Priest (smiling at a red-haired child): GOLD STAR, KIDDO. GOLD STAR.
Votey:
Caption (top): FRUITCAKE:
(Image: a fruitcake / brick-like loaf)
Caption (bottom): IMPERVIOUS TO MIRACLES
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. A bald, gray-bearded priest in a clerical collar asks a Sunday-school class, "Who can tell me what the miracle of Christmas is?" A child answers, "It's how normally undesirable foods are magically transmuted into deliciousness." The comic then shows three side-by-side comparisons, each labeled NOT CHRISTMAS on the left and CHRISTMAS on the right. First: complaining about pointless peppermints handed out with receipts versus excitement over "Candy canes!" Second: disgust at dollar-store chocolate that "tastes like wax and sadness" versus delight at "another day on the advent calendar!" Third: revulsion at being offered a cocktail with a raw egg cracked in it versus "I love eggnog." The child concludes that turning butter and rum into tastiness is "proof of transubstantiation." The pleased priest tells a red-haired child, "Gold star, kiddo. Gold star." Votey: a drawing of a dense fruitcake loaf with the caption "FRUITCAKE: IMPERVIOUS TO MIRACLES" — the one food no Christmas miracle can make delicious.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.