2012-12-01
Original: 2012-12-01 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title bar: THE GOOD LIFE CAN BE QUANTIFIED.
Panel 1 (a game-style scoring overlay over a couple):
TOUCH OR LOVE? +2
AUTUMN BREEZE RUSTLES TREES! +1
BONUS: LEAVES PIROUETTE THROUGH THE PINE-SCENTED AIR. +5
SEEING SMILE IN FACE OF HARVITZ +4
Narration: ALL THE LITTLE THINGS OF QUANTIFIED EVERYDAY LOVE WERE TALLIED UP IN THE INNER PLACES, THE FELICITY THAT GROWS DEEP IN YOUR HEART AS THE LIFE CALLED THEM.
Narration: MR. AND MRS. JOHNSON MADE THE MONEY. IT'S BEEN STANDARD DEVIATION BELOW NATIONAL FOR HIS BOREDOM EVER SINCE THE WAR.
Narration: WHEN THE SYSTEM BEGINS, THERE WERE THE INEVITABLE LUDDITES.
Speech bubble (man): MY LIFE ISN'T A NUMBER! I AM NOT AN EXPERIMENT TO BE WATCHED! HASN'T FOUND LOVE? ALONE IN HIS ANGER? COUNTS THE SYSTEM? -100
Narration: BUT THEY WERE LAUGHED OFF AS BREAKING, AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT 'PROHIBITION' IF A LOVER ONE WATCHES YOU SLEEP.
Speech bubble (man in bed): I BET I CAN'T DO 110 FOR THIS--
Narration: AND ANYWAY, THINGS WERE MUCH BETTER, GENERALLY ACCEPTED.
Child: WOW, DADDY! YOU NEVER MADE THE PANCAKES ON SUNDAY BEFORE!
Father: GOTTA KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES, SWEETIE.
Narration: OF COURSE, WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS FROM TIME TO TIME.
Child: MOMMY, DID YOU DRAW THIS PONY (AND LION) JUST SO YOU GET MORE POINTS?
Mother: SWEETIE, IF YOU HAVE THIS CONVERSATION, WE COULD BOTH LOSE POINTS. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN PANTIES, MAMA!
Narration: BUT WE RECOGNIZE ITS IMPORTANCE.
Man (left): I'M SO FULFILLED, I FEEL BLESSED. WE ARE SO BLESSED.
Man (right): HEY, THERE ARE KIDS IN AFGHANISTAN WHO DON'T HAVE GOOD METRICS TO DECIDE WHETHER TO DO WITH A SMILE OR A DUCKER.
Narration: AFTER ALL, WHAT'S THE POINT OF A LIFE WELL-LIVED IF NO ONE CAN YOU SHALL TELL YOU THAT?
Man: HIS LAST WORDS WERE 'TELL HIM WHAT SHE IS, MY HEART OF HARGRAVES.'
Other man: OH MAN!
Narration: WELL, TECHNICALLY HIS LAST WORDS WERE 'HAVE HER TIMES I COULD GET FACEBOOK STATUS.'
Votey: Glowing text reads 'READING COMICS: +ALL THE POINTS'
Panel 1 (a game-style scoring overlay over a couple):
TOUCH OR LOVE? +2
AUTUMN BREEZE RUSTLES TREES! +1
BONUS: LEAVES PIROUETTE THROUGH THE PINE-SCENTED AIR. +5
SEEING SMILE IN FACE OF HARVITZ +4
Narration: ALL THE LITTLE THINGS OF QUANTIFIED EVERYDAY LOVE WERE TALLIED UP IN THE INNER PLACES, THE FELICITY THAT GROWS DEEP IN YOUR HEART AS THE LIFE CALLED THEM.
Narration: MR. AND MRS. JOHNSON MADE THE MONEY. IT'S BEEN STANDARD DEVIATION BELOW NATIONAL FOR HIS BOREDOM EVER SINCE THE WAR.
Narration: WHEN THE SYSTEM BEGINS, THERE WERE THE INEVITABLE LUDDITES.
Speech bubble (man): MY LIFE ISN'T A NUMBER! I AM NOT AN EXPERIMENT TO BE WATCHED! HASN'T FOUND LOVE? ALONE IN HIS ANGER? COUNTS THE SYSTEM? -100
Narration: BUT THEY WERE LAUGHED OFF AS BREAKING, AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT 'PROHIBITION' IF A LOVER ONE WATCHES YOU SLEEP.
Speech bubble (man in bed): I BET I CAN'T DO 110 FOR THIS--
Narration: AND ANYWAY, THINGS WERE MUCH BETTER, GENERALLY ACCEPTED.
Child: WOW, DADDY! YOU NEVER MADE THE PANCAKES ON SUNDAY BEFORE!
Father: GOTTA KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES, SWEETIE.
Narration: OF COURSE, WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS FROM TIME TO TIME.
Child: MOMMY, DID YOU DRAW THIS PONY (AND LION) JUST SO YOU GET MORE POINTS?
Mother: SWEETIE, IF YOU HAVE THIS CONVERSATION, WE COULD BOTH LOSE POINTS. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN PANTIES, MAMA!
Narration: BUT WE RECOGNIZE ITS IMPORTANCE.
Man (left): I'M SO FULFILLED, I FEEL BLESSED. WE ARE SO BLESSED.
Man (right): HEY, THERE ARE KIDS IN AFGHANISTAN WHO DON'T HAVE GOOD METRICS TO DECIDE WHETHER TO DO WITH A SMILE OR A DUCKER.
Narration: AFTER ALL, WHAT'S THE POINT OF A LIFE WELL-LIVED IF NO ONE CAN YOU SHALL TELL YOU THAT?
Man: HIS LAST WORDS WERE 'TELL HIM WHAT SHE IS, MY HEART OF HARGRAVES.'
Other man: OH MAN!
Narration: WELL, TECHNICALLY HIS LAST WORDS WERE 'HAVE HER TIMES I COULD GET FACEBOOK STATUS.'
Votey: Glowing text reads 'READING COMICS: +ALL THE POINTS'
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic titled 'The good life can be quantified,' imagining a world where every moment of life is scored with video-game-style points. Panel 1 shows a couple outdoors with floating point tallies overlaid: '+2' for touch or love, '+1' for an autumn breeze rustling trees, '+5' bonus for pirouetting leaves, '+4' for seeing a smile. Narration explains people's everyday acts of love are tallied as felicity scores. A 'luddite' man objects, shouting 'My life isn't a number! I am not an experiment to be watched!' and is docked -100 points for being alone and angry. In another panel a man in bed says 'I bet I can't do 110 for this--' as the system watches him sleep. A father makes Sunday pancakes telling his child he's 'gotta keep up with the Joneses' for points. A mother who drew a pony admits to her child that discussing whether it was done for points could cost them both points, ending with 'I love you.' Two men congratulate themselves on being 'so blessed' and 'fulfilled' while invoking less fortunate kids elsewhere. A final panel jokes darkly about a dying man's last words being about gaining Facebook status. The votey at the end is glowing block text reading 'READING COMICS: +ALL THE POINTS,' awarding the reader maximum points for reading the comic.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.