2012-03-15

A five-panel comic with red caption banners narrating humanity's growing certainty that it is alone in the cosmos. Panel 1, caption "By 2100, it is certain we have the solar system to ourselves," shows a balding man at a podium saying they have explored every planet, moon, and asteroid and found no signs of extraterrestrial intelligence. Panel 2, "By 2300, it is certain we have the galaxy to ourselves," shows a gray-haired woman at a podium reporting no non-human intelligent signals in local spacetime. Panel 3, "By 3000, it is certain we have the universe to ourselves," shows a blue-skinned hooded humanoid (future human) saying any foreign mind's signal would exist outside the visible cosmos. Panel 4 caption reads that, being the only conscious entities, "we took up the responsibility with the solemnity it deserved," as the figure solemnly declares it their duty to spread life peacefully throughout the universe. Panel 5 caption: "Just kidding. We all did what you do when you have the house to yourself," showing two blue-skinned figures, one asking the President for the day off to masturbate and eat an entire pie, the other replying he can't talk because he's too busy masturbating and eating an entire pie. The votey panel shows a nervous balding man saying, "Tell the joint chiefs to watch out the window just in case" -- a worried hedge against being caught alone.