2011-07-10
Original: 2011-07-10 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Aliens (narrating): The aliens believed they were the center of the universe.
Aliens: Greetings, humans. We are the Zorblaxians, chosen people of the multiverse maker.
Panel 2:
Narration: We disagreed.
Human: Ok. Hi. We got over that Chauvinism long ago. Each tribe believed it a wonder that it was god, but wrong. We thought the Earth was central, and that was wrong. We thought this galaxy was central, and that was wrong.
Panel 3:
Narration: It turned out that their experience had been different from ours.
Alien: See how the entire universe forms a wheel, with spokes that meet in the center at Zorblax Prime? Also, when you combine the rhythms of all pulsar emissions and express them as musical tones, it forms the Zorblaxian national anthem. Oh? And starting at the 3.5^(10^15)th digit of pi, there's a code that translates to "hooray for Zorblax."
Panel 4:
Narration: This was sad, but briefly hopeful.
Human: Can... can we join you?
Alien: Oh, sorry. Our religion only allows us to ally with ensouled creatures.
Panel 5:
Narration: After they left, humanity felt empty and alone. Devoid of purpose.
Woman: They're gone and we are nothing.
Man: And all they left us was their Zorblax. It's #1 foam hands.
(A foam "#1" hand reading "ZORBLAX" is shown.)
Panel 6:
Narration: Humans collectively hit rock bottom. We decided as a group to give our lives meaning.
Man: I'm announcing a radical shift in our economy.
Woman: No more war. No more waste. We shall dream our entire society around brains and technology and we shall claim our manifest destiny!
Panel 7:
Narration: And within a few thousand years... we did it.
Text (on alien spaceship/planet): Suck it, Zorblax!
Votey:
Child alien: Daddy... when humans die, do they go to heaven?
Parent alien: Uh... sure... they go to "people heaven."
Aliens (narrating): The aliens believed they were the center of the universe.
Aliens: Greetings, humans. We are the Zorblaxians, chosen people of the multiverse maker.
Panel 2:
Narration: We disagreed.
Human: Ok. Hi. We got over that Chauvinism long ago. Each tribe believed it a wonder that it was god, but wrong. We thought the Earth was central, and that was wrong. We thought this galaxy was central, and that was wrong.
Panel 3:
Narration: It turned out that their experience had been different from ours.
Alien: See how the entire universe forms a wheel, with spokes that meet in the center at Zorblax Prime? Also, when you combine the rhythms of all pulsar emissions and express them as musical tones, it forms the Zorblaxian national anthem. Oh? And starting at the 3.5^(10^15)th digit of pi, there's a code that translates to "hooray for Zorblax."
Panel 4:
Narration: This was sad, but briefly hopeful.
Human: Can... can we join you?
Alien: Oh, sorry. Our religion only allows us to ally with ensouled creatures.
Panel 5:
Narration: After they left, humanity felt empty and alone. Devoid of purpose.
Woman: They're gone and we are nothing.
Man: And all they left us was their Zorblax. It's #1 foam hands.
(A foam "#1" hand reading "ZORBLAX" is shown.)
Panel 6:
Narration: Humans collectively hit rock bottom. We decided as a group to give our lives meaning.
Man: I'm announcing a radical shift in our economy.
Woman: No more war. No more waste. We shall dream our entire society around brains and technology and we shall claim our manifest destiny!
Panel 7:
Narration: And within a few thousand years... we did it.
Text (on alien spaceship/planet): Suck it, Zorblax!
Votey:
Child alien: Daddy... when humans die, do they go to heaven?
Parent alien: Uh... sure... they go to "people heaven."
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic about humanity and an alien race. Panel 1: Green aliens float in space and announce, "Greetings, humans. We are the Zorblaxians, chosen people of the multiverse maker." Narration: the aliens believed they were the center of the universe. Panel 2: A human replies that humanity got over that kind of chauvinism long ago, having each been wrong about thinking Earth, then the galaxy, was central. Panel 3: An alien explains their evidence: the universe forms a wheel meeting at Zorblax Prime, pulsar rhythms spell out the Zorblaxian anthem, and a code buried deep in the digits of pi reads "hooray for Zorblax." Panel 4: A human hopefully asks, "Can... can we join you?" The alien apologizes that their religion only allows allying with ensouled creatures. Panel 5: After the aliens leave, a man and woman stand dejected; humanity feels empty, left only with a foam "#1" hand reading ZORBLAX. Panel 6: A man announces a radical economic shift; a woman declares no more war or waste, that humanity will rebuild society around brains and technology to claim its manifest destiny. Panel 7: A few thousand years later, a spaceship/planet bears the message "Suck it, Zorblax!" Votey: A small alien child asks its parent, "Daddy... when humans die, do they go to heaven?" The parent answers, "Uh... sure... they go to 'people heaven.'" The joke: humans, denied souls by the aliens, dedicate their civilization to revenge, while the aliens dismissively treat humans as soulless animals reassured with a euphemistic "people heaven."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.