2011-03-04
Original: 2011-03-04 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title (underlined, top of comic): KNOW YOUR TROLLS:
Panel 1 (red banner header): UNLAWFUL EVIL: "BLACK HAT"
A woman with red/orange hair grins maliciously at a man in profile facing her.
Woman: HA! I SWITCHED YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICATION WITH AMPHETAMINES! HAVE FUN TODAY!
Panel 2 (red banner header): UNLAWFUL GOOD: "WHITE HAT"
A man with dark skin, glasses, and an orange jacket over a green shirt speaks.
Man: I CREATED A PROGRAM THAT SIMULATES AN EMAIL SCAM. IF YOU FALL FOR IT, THE PROGRAM DRAINS YOUR ACCOUNT FOR 24 HOURS, THEN REFUNDS YOU COMPLETELY AND SENDS YOU A MESSAGE CALLING YOU A BITCH.
Panel 3 (red banner header): LAWFUL EVIL: "ASS HAT"
A man with dark hair sits at a computer, smiling, hand on the mouse. A typed message on the screen / in a speech box reads: "Sarah, it's your father! I'm not dead, and I love you." Click here. (the words "Click here." are styled as a blue underlined hyperlink). An arrow points from the link to a handwritten note.
Handwritten note: (links to picture of old man dancing naked)
Panel 4 (red banner header): LAWFUL GOOD: "DAD HAT"
An older man in a suit and yellow tie, wearing glasses, stands beside a small red-haired child in a blue shirt holding a red object (an apple). The man speaks.
Man: RED? WHAT'S RED? THERE ARE ONLY TWO PRIMARY COLORS: BLUE AND YELLOW. WHAT ARE YOU SEEING?
Votey:
Four hats are drawn in a row against a white background, illustrating the "hat" labels from the comic: a small open-top hat sketch, a tall black top hat (the "black hat"), a rounded white/light bowler-style hat (the "white hat"), and a black top hat with a swirly/squiggly band (representing the "dad hat" or "ass hat"). No text.
Panel 1 (red banner header): UNLAWFUL EVIL: "BLACK HAT"
A woman with red/orange hair grins maliciously at a man in profile facing her.
Woman: HA! I SWITCHED YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICATION WITH AMPHETAMINES! HAVE FUN TODAY!
Panel 2 (red banner header): UNLAWFUL GOOD: "WHITE HAT"
A man with dark skin, glasses, and an orange jacket over a green shirt speaks.
Man: I CREATED A PROGRAM THAT SIMULATES AN EMAIL SCAM. IF YOU FALL FOR IT, THE PROGRAM DRAINS YOUR ACCOUNT FOR 24 HOURS, THEN REFUNDS YOU COMPLETELY AND SENDS YOU A MESSAGE CALLING YOU A BITCH.
Panel 3 (red banner header): LAWFUL EVIL: "ASS HAT"
A man with dark hair sits at a computer, smiling, hand on the mouse. A typed message on the screen / in a speech box reads: "Sarah, it's your father! I'm not dead, and I love you." Click here. (the words "Click here." are styled as a blue underlined hyperlink). An arrow points from the link to a handwritten note.
Handwritten note: (links to picture of old man dancing naked)
Panel 4 (red banner header): LAWFUL GOOD: "DAD HAT"
An older man in a suit and yellow tie, wearing glasses, stands beside a small red-haired child in a blue shirt holding a red object (an apple). The man speaks.
Man: RED? WHAT'S RED? THERE ARE ONLY TWO PRIMARY COLORS: BLUE AND YELLOW. WHAT ARE YOU SEEING?
Votey:
Four hats are drawn in a row against a white background, illustrating the "hat" labels from the comic: a small open-top hat sketch, a tall black top hat (the "black hat"), a rounded white/light bowler-style hat (the "white hat"), and a black top hat with a swirly/squiggly band (representing the "dad hat" or "ass hat"). No text.
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic titled "KNOW YOUR TROLLS," parodying Dungeons & Dragons alignment categories with pun names ending in "hat." Panel 1, labeled UNLAWFUL EVIL: "BLACK HAT": a grinning red-haired woman tells a man, "Ha! I switched your blood pressure medication with amphetamines! Have fun today!" Panel 2, labeled UNLAWFUL GOOD: "WHITE HAT": a bespectacled man explains, "I created a program that simulates an email scam. If you fall for it, the program drains your account for 24 hours, then refunds you completely and sends you a message calling you a bitch." Panel 3, labeled LAWFUL EVIL: "ASS HAT": a man smiles at a computer showing a fake message, "Sarah, it's your father! I'm not dead, and I love you. Click here" (a blue hyperlink), with a note that the link goes to a picture of an old man dancing naked. Panel 4, labeled LAWFUL GOOD: "DAD HAT": an older man in a suit beside a small child holding an apple says, "Red? What's red? There are only two primary colors: blue and yellow. What are you seeing?"—a harmless dad-joke troll. The votey shows four hats drawn in a row, illustrating the hat puns, with no text.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.