2011-03-06
Original: 2011-03-06 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (header banner): DON'T MARRY A PHILOSOPHER
An elderly man lies in bed holding the hand of an elderly woman seated beside him.
Elderly man: "Honey, before I die, I have a confession. Since freedom of choice is meaningless in a deterministic reality, I never loved you in a way that you'd find existentially satisfying."
Panel 2 (header banner): DON'T MARRY A SCIENTIST
An elderly man lies in bed holding the hand of the elderly woman beside him.
Elderly man: "Honey, before I die, I want you to know that there is no empirical difference between the atoms of living and non-living entities. So... don't think of this as 'goodbye,' think of this as 'none of it ever mattered.'"
Panel 3 (header banner): DON'T MARRY AN ARTIST
An elderly man lies in bed beside the elderly woman, smiling.
Elderly man: "I nailed a LOT of dumb college girls."
Votey (header banner): CARTOONIST
A person sits up in bed gesturing.
Person: "I drew you this boner."
An elderly man lies in bed holding the hand of an elderly woman seated beside him.
Elderly man: "Honey, before I die, I have a confession. Since freedom of choice is meaningless in a deterministic reality, I never loved you in a way that you'd find existentially satisfying."
Panel 2 (header banner): DON'T MARRY A SCIENTIST
An elderly man lies in bed holding the hand of the elderly woman beside him.
Elderly man: "Honey, before I die, I want you to know that there is no empirical difference between the atoms of living and non-living entities. So... don't think of this as 'goodbye,' think of this as 'none of it ever mattered.'"
Panel 3 (header banner): DON'T MARRY AN ARTIST
An elderly man lies in bed beside the elderly woman, smiling.
Elderly man: "I nailed a LOT of dumb college girls."
Votey (header banner): CARTOONIST
A person sits up in bed gesturing.
Person: "I drew you this boner."
Alt text
A three-panel SMBC comic titled by red banner headers, each showing an elderly man on his deathbed making a final confession to the elderly woman at his bedside. Panel 1, header 'DON'T MARRY A PHILOSOPHER': he says since freedom of choice is meaningless in a deterministic reality, he never loved her in a way she'd find existentially satisfying. Panel 2, header 'DON'T MARRY A SCIENTIST': he says there's no empirical difference between the atoms of living and non-living entities, so don't think of this as 'goodbye,' think of it as 'none of it ever mattered.' Panel 3, header 'DON'T MARRY AN ARTIST': he cheerfully says, 'I nailed a LOT of dumb college girls.' The joke is each profession produces its own uniquely terrible deathbed confession. Votey aftercomic, header 'CARTOONIST': a roughly-drawn person sitting up in bed says 'I drew you this boner,' with a crude doodle on the blanket.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.