2011-01-13
Original: 2011-01-13 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: DO-IT-YOURSELF MACHINES! "THE SKEPTIC CONFUSER"
Panel 1 (label "1"): FIND AN OLD COMPUTER CASE.
[An old upright tower computer case sits on a blue background.]
Panel 2 (label "2"): FILL WITH CARDS THAT SAY "THIS IS BULLSHIT."
[A card shown with crop-mark corners reads: "This is Bullshit"]
Panel 3 (label "3"): CUT A SLIT THROUGH WHICH CARDS CAN BE EXTRACTED.
[The computer case is now lying flat with a slit cut into its front.]
Panel 4 (label "4"): ENJOY.
Woman with reddish-orange hair: THIS MACHINE READS MINDS.
Bald older man in a suit: WHAT? ASK IT WHAT I'M THINKING.
[The two stand on either side of the slit-cut machine.]
Votey:
[A block of Perl source code displayed as text:]
#!/usr/bin/perl
print "This program can read minds!\n";
print "Would you like to know what you are thinking? (y/n): ";
$answer = <STDIN>;
chomp $answer;
if ($answer eq 'y') {
print "Hold on... reading your brain!\n";
sleep 5;
print "You're thinking: 'This is bullshit!'\n"
} elsif ($answer eq 'n') {
print "Yeah, I did a preliminary scan and I don't want to go there either.\n";
} else {
print "Now I'm just thinking you're stupid.\n";
}
print "\nThanks for playing!\n";
(Credit: Chason Chaffin)
Panel 1 (label "1"): FIND AN OLD COMPUTER CASE.
[An old upright tower computer case sits on a blue background.]
Panel 2 (label "2"): FILL WITH CARDS THAT SAY "THIS IS BULLSHIT."
[A card shown with crop-mark corners reads: "This is Bullshit"]
Panel 3 (label "3"): CUT A SLIT THROUGH WHICH CARDS CAN BE EXTRACTED.
[The computer case is now lying flat with a slit cut into its front.]
Panel 4 (label "4"): ENJOY.
Woman with reddish-orange hair: THIS MACHINE READS MINDS.
Bald older man in a suit: WHAT? ASK IT WHAT I'M THINKING.
[The two stand on either side of the slit-cut machine.]
Votey:
[A block of Perl source code displayed as text:]
#!/usr/bin/perl
print "This program can read minds!\n";
print "Would you like to know what you are thinking? (y/n): ";
$answer = <STDIN>;
chomp $answer;
if ($answer eq 'y') {
print "Hold on... reading your brain!\n";
sleep 5;
print "You're thinking: 'This is bullshit!'\n"
} elsif ($answer eq 'n') {
print "Yeah, I did a preliminary scan and I don't want to go there either.\n";
} else {
print "Now I'm just thinking you're stupid.\n";
}
print "\nThanks for playing!\n";
(Credit: Chason Chaffin)
Alt text
A four-panel comic titled "DO-IT-YOURSELF MACHINES! 'THE SKEPTIC CONFUSER'" laid out as numbered instructions. Panel 1, "FIND AN OLD COMPUTER CASE": an old beige upright tower computer. Panel 2, "FILL WITH CARDS THAT SAY 'THIS IS BULLSHIT'": a card reading "This is Bullshit" shown with crop-mark corners. Panel 3, "CUT A SLIT THROUGH WHICH CARDS CAN BE EXTRACTED": the same case now lying flat with a slit in its front. Panel 4, "ENJOY": a red-haired woman stands beside the slit machine saying "This machine reads minds," while a skeptical bald man in a suit replies, "What? Ask it what I'm thinking." The joke: the so-called mind-reading machine only ever dispenses cards reading "This is bullshit"—which is exactly what the skeptic is thinking. Votey: a screen of Perl code implementing the same gag. The program announces it can read minds, asks (y/n) whether you want to know what you're thinking, and on 'y' prints "You're thinking: 'This is bullshit!'"; on 'n' it says it already scanned and doesn't want to go there either; otherwise "Now I'm just thinking you're stupid." Credited to Chason Chaffin.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.