2006-12-14
Original: 2006-12-14 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Doctor (a man in a white coat and glasses, speaking to two silhouetted parents): IT'S A BIT UNORTHODOX, BUT IT'S THE ONLY 100% CERTAIN METHOD TO KEEP YOUR CHILDREN FROM TEENAGE PREGNANCY.
Panel 2:
The two parents (a woman and a man), looking distressed: OH GOD.
Panel 3:
The father stands in a doorway addressing his red-haired son: HEY SON... I... I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
Panel 4:
The father holds out a book toward his son. The book cover reads: DUNGEONS & DRAGONS PLAYER'S HANDBOOK.
Panel 5:
Label: PROM NIGHT...
A blonde girl leans toward the red-haired son: WANNA HAVE SEX?
The son: NO THANKS. MY DAD CRUSHED MY GENITALS IN A DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS MANUAL.
Votey:
The doctor leans toward the father and asks: DID YOUR SON ENJOY READING THE BOOK?
The father: UH OH.
Doctor (a man in a white coat and glasses, speaking to two silhouetted parents): IT'S A BIT UNORTHODOX, BUT IT'S THE ONLY 100% CERTAIN METHOD TO KEEP YOUR CHILDREN FROM TEENAGE PREGNANCY.
Panel 2:
The two parents (a woman and a man), looking distressed: OH GOD.
Panel 3:
The father stands in a doorway addressing his red-haired son: HEY SON... I... I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
Panel 4:
The father holds out a book toward his son. The book cover reads: DUNGEONS & DRAGONS PLAYER'S HANDBOOK.
Panel 5:
Label: PROM NIGHT...
A blonde girl leans toward the red-haired son: WANNA HAVE SEX?
The son: NO THANKS. MY DAD CRUSHED MY GENITALS IN A DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS MANUAL.
Votey:
The doctor leans toward the father and asks: DID YOUR SON ENJOY READING THE BOOK?
The father: UH OH.
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: a bespectacled doctor in a white coat tells two silhouetted parents, "It's a bit unorthodox, but it's the only 100% certain method to keep your children from teenage pregnancy." Panel 2: the worried-looking parents say, "Oh God." Panel 3: the father stands in a doorway and tells his red-haired son, "Hey son... I... I have something for you." Panel 4: he hands the son a thick book labeled "Dungeons & Dragons Player's Handbook" — the implied "method" was crushing the boy's genitals with the heavy manual. Panel 5, labeled "Prom night...": a blonde girl asks the son, "Wanna have sex?" and he replies, "No thanks. My dad crushed my genitals in a Dungeons and Dragons manual." Votey: the doctor leans in and asks the father, "Did your son enjoy reading the book?" The father, realizing his mistake, says, "Uh oh." — implying the book was meant to be read, not used as a blunt instrument.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.