Artist
Original: Artist on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Young man: Grandpa, there are these guys online who teach a strategy for getting the most girls should-
Panel 2:
Old man (interrupting): Amateurs.
Panel 3:
Old man: They're putting in infinite effort to have a moderate amount of okay sex with 20 year olds!
Panel 4:
Old man: Do you have any notion of what it's like to have your year-old wife come home plastered from wine and bingo night?
Panel 5:
Old man: It takes 40 years of marriage to receive properly preparation. Struggle all for one midnight rendezvous where horror and ecstasy alternate with such violence that they blur and plunge in a blaze of transcendent heat!
Panel 6:
Old man (sweating, intense): No bodily process is completely locked down at this age. Boy, our bodies are so floppy anything could be anywhere! You might find a dick over your shoulder or tits up your ass!
Panel 7:
Young man: I'll never look at Grammy the same way.
Old man: We don't make a lot of eye contact anymore, yeah.
Votey:
Old man (holding a phone): Just a moment, young man, I must sent my wife a message. Computer! Eggplant, eggplant, eggplant, sausage, sausage, sausage, clown emoji.
Young man: Grandpa, there are these guys online who teach a strategy for getting the most girls should-
Panel 2:
Old man (interrupting): Amateurs.
Panel 3:
Old man: They're putting in infinite effort to have a moderate amount of okay sex with 20 year olds!
Panel 4:
Old man: Do you have any notion of what it's like to have your year-old wife come home plastered from wine and bingo night?
Panel 5:
Old man: It takes 40 years of marriage to receive properly preparation. Struggle all for one midnight rendezvous where horror and ecstasy alternate with such violence that they blur and plunge in a blaze of transcendent heat!
Panel 6:
Old man (sweating, intense): No bodily process is completely locked down at this age. Boy, our bodies are so floppy anything could be anywhere! You might find a dick over your shoulder or tits up your ass!
Panel 7:
Young man: I'll never look at Grammy the same way.
Old man: We don't make a lot of eye contact anymore, yeah.
Votey:
Old man (holding a phone): Just a moment, young man, I must sent my wife a message. Computer! Eggplant, eggplant, eggplant, sausage, sausage, sausage, clown emoji.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A young blond man tries to tell his grandfather about online "pickup artist" gurus who teach strategies for getting girls. The old man cuts him off, calling them "Amateurs." He launches into an escalating, increasingly unhinged speech: those guys put in infinite effort for mediocre sex with 20-year-olds, but they have no idea what it's like to have your decades-old wife come home plastered from wine and bingo night. He says it takes 40 years of marriage to be properly prepared for a midnight rendezvous where horror and ecstasy blur into a blaze of transcendent heat. Sweating and intense, he declares that at this age no bodily process is locked down and their bodies are so floppy that "you might find a dick over your shoulder or tits up your ass." In the final panel the young man says "I'll never look at Grammy the same way," and the grandfather replies, "We don't make a lot of eye contact anymore, yeah." Votey: the grandfather holds a phone and dictates a message to his wife: "Computer! Eggplant, eggplant, eggplant, sausage, sausage, sausage, clown emoji," a string of suggestive emoji.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.