Protagonist
Original: Protagonist on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Protagonist (a young blonde person in armor, arms raised): HELLO VILLAGERS! IT'S ME, THE PROTAGONIST! I'VE RETURNED!
Panel 2:
Protagonist: I'M BACK FROM A HERO'S JOURNEY IN POSSESSION OF THE WISDOM AND FORTITUDE TO TELL ALL OF YOU ALL HOW TO LIVE!
Panel 3:
A bearded villager (to a woman beside him): FACK OFF
Panel 4:
Protagonist: BUT I FACED A SERIES OF PHYSICAL OBSTACLES THAT REPRESENTED THE GROWTH OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY IN A YOUNG MAN!
Panel 5:
Bearded villager: FACK! OFF!
A second villager: FACK OFF!
(The protagonist looks crestfallen.)
Panel 6:
Protagonist: AND THEN I DEFEATED A DRAGON THAT EMBODIED PRIDE!
Panel 7:
A dark-haired woman (off to the side, on a phone): SURE DID HONEY. GOOD JOB, HONEY. HOW'S THE JOB HUNT GOING?
(The protagonist sits slumped at a table.)
Votey:
The protagonist (slumped, hand on chin, looking dejected): WHY DIDN'T I BECOME TYRANT GOD-EMPEROR WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.
Protagonist (a young blonde person in armor, arms raised): HELLO VILLAGERS! IT'S ME, THE PROTAGONIST! I'VE RETURNED!
Panel 2:
Protagonist: I'M BACK FROM A HERO'S JOURNEY IN POSSESSION OF THE WISDOM AND FORTITUDE TO TELL ALL OF YOU ALL HOW TO LIVE!
Panel 3:
A bearded villager (to a woman beside him): FACK OFF
Panel 4:
Protagonist: BUT I FACED A SERIES OF PHYSICAL OBSTACLES THAT REPRESENTED THE GROWTH OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY IN A YOUNG MAN!
Panel 5:
Bearded villager: FACK! OFF!
A second villager: FACK OFF!
(The protagonist looks crestfallen.)
Panel 6:
Protagonist: AND THEN I DEFEATED A DRAGON THAT EMBODIED PRIDE!
Panel 7:
A dark-haired woman (off to the side, on a phone): SURE DID HONEY. GOOD JOB, HONEY. HOW'S THE JOB HUNT GOING?
(The protagonist sits slumped at a table.)
Votey:
The protagonist (slumped, hand on chin, looking dejected): WHY DIDN'T I BECOME TYRANT GOD-EMPEROR WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A young blonde hero in armor returns to a village and grandly announces, 'Hello villagers! It's me, the protagonist! I've returned!' They proclaim they're back from a hero's journey with the wisdom and fortitude to tell everyone how to live. A bearded villager flatly tells them to 'fack off.' The hero keeps boasting about facing physical obstacles representing emotional maturity, and two villagers now shout 'Fack! Off!' / 'Fack off!' while the hero looks crestfallen. The hero adds that they defeated a dragon embodying pride. In the final panel a dark-haired woman, half-distracted, says 'Sure did honey. Good job, honey. How's the job hunt going?' as the deflated hero slumps at a table. Votey aftercomic: a close-up of the slumped, dejected hero resting their head on their hand, thinking, 'Why didn't I become tyrant god-emperor when I had the chance.' The joke contrasts epic fantasy heroism with the mundane, unimpressed reception of family at home.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.