catch
Original: catch on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A flying saucer hovers over a human man. An alien voice from the saucer says: "DAMMIT! THE HUMANS GOT AWAY BEFORE I COULD CRUSH THEM IN THE BEAM."
Panel 2: Two aliens stand together. One alien says: "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. YOU HAVE TO GET THEM IMMOBILIZED FIRST."
Panel 3: The human, looking distressed, says: "HOW DO YOU DO THAT WITHOUT HURTING THEM?" An alien replies: "SHINE A LIGHT IN THEIR EYES. SPECIFICALLY ONE OF A VIDEO OF TEXT IN WHICH SOMEONE COMMITS A MINOR SOCIAL FAUX PAS - REJECTING A GIFT, EXPRESSING PUBLIC HUNGER AT AN INNOCENT PARTY, INADEQUATE SELF-REGARD OR VIOLATING MATING NORMS."
Panel 4: The human asks: "IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE ABOUT PEOPLE THEY KNOW, OR EVEN BE REAL? WATCH-" An alien responds: "WATCH IT DOING-"
Panel 5: A light beam shines down on the human, who stares transfixed, with a small speech bubble of text. An alien explains: "IT'LL KEEP POKING THE LIGHT TRYING TO GUESS IT WITH STRESS-INDUCING SOCIAL DRAMA UNTIL... THERE'S SOMETHING MEANINGFUL YOU CAN CATCH IT-"
Panel 6: A light beam captures the human. An alien asks: "WHY DOES THIS WORK?" Another alien answers: "EVOLUTIONARY CLAIM IN SMALL BANDS. REACTING TO EVERY PERCEIVED SOCIAL GAFFE WOULD'VE BEEN VALUABLE TO THE MAINTENANCE OF HARMONY."
Panel 7: Two aliens stand over the captured human. One alien says: "WOW! I HOPE THEY NEVER FIGURE IT OUT. THEY COULD USE IT AGAINST EACH OTHER." The other alien replies: "PFEH! THEY'RE STUPID, BUT NOT THAT BAD."
Votey:
(FORTUNATELY, WE LATER CREATE AI BOTS TO DO THE CLICKING OF AI RAGEBAIT.)
Panel 2: Two aliens stand together. One alien says: "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. YOU HAVE TO GET THEM IMMOBILIZED FIRST."
Panel 3: The human, looking distressed, says: "HOW DO YOU DO THAT WITHOUT HURTING THEM?" An alien replies: "SHINE A LIGHT IN THEIR EYES. SPECIFICALLY ONE OF A VIDEO OF TEXT IN WHICH SOMEONE COMMITS A MINOR SOCIAL FAUX PAS - REJECTING A GIFT, EXPRESSING PUBLIC HUNGER AT AN INNOCENT PARTY, INADEQUATE SELF-REGARD OR VIOLATING MATING NORMS."
Panel 4: The human asks: "IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE ABOUT PEOPLE THEY KNOW, OR EVEN BE REAL? WATCH-" An alien responds: "WATCH IT DOING-"
Panel 5: A light beam shines down on the human, who stares transfixed, with a small speech bubble of text. An alien explains: "IT'LL KEEP POKING THE LIGHT TRYING TO GUESS IT WITH STRESS-INDUCING SOCIAL DRAMA UNTIL... THERE'S SOMETHING MEANINGFUL YOU CAN CATCH IT-"
Panel 6: A light beam captures the human. An alien asks: "WHY DOES THIS WORK?" Another alien answers: "EVOLUTIONARY CLAIM IN SMALL BANDS. REACTING TO EVERY PERCEIVED SOCIAL GAFFE WOULD'VE BEEN VALUABLE TO THE MAINTENANCE OF HARMONY."
Panel 7: Two aliens stand over the captured human. One alien says: "WOW! I HOPE THEY NEVER FIGURE IT OUT. THEY COULD USE IT AGAINST EACH OTHER." The other alien replies: "PFEH! THEY'RE STUPID, BUT NOT THAT BAD."
Votey:
(FORTUNATELY, WE LATER CREATE AI BOTS TO DO THE CLICKING OF AI RAGEBAIT.)
Alt text
A seven-panel black-and-white SMBC comic. Aliens in a flying saucer try to abduct a human with a tractor beam. One alien complains the human escaped before being crushed in the beam; another says you have to immobilize them first. The trick: shine a light showing video text of someone committing a minor social faux pas - rejecting a gift, public hunger, inadequate self-regard, or violating mating norms. It doesn't even need to be real or about people the human knows. When the beam hits, the human stands transfixed, compulsively engaging with the stress-inducing social drama, letting the aliens capture him. They explain it works because in small evolutionary bands, reacting to every perceived social gaffe helped maintain group harmony. One alien hopes humans never figure it out, because they could use it against each other; the other scoffs that humans are stupid but not THAT bad - implying outrage-bait social media is exactly that. The votey (a final hand-drawn panel below) reads: "(Fortunately, we later create AI bots to do the clicking of AI ragebait.)"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.