connection
Original: connection on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
God (off-panel, speech from above): "God, why do bad things happen to good people?"
A repairman with flame-like red hair, crouched and inspecting some machinery: "Hold up, lemme take the lid off and... ah."
Panel 2:
Red-haired repairman (now standing, in profile): "There's your problem. The line running from virtue to happiness is frayed pretty bad."
Panel 3:
Red-haired repairman: "Normally you want that one real tight. Otherwise, things get so people are happy or even just indifferent to suffering, and they do fine. No feedback."
Panel 4:
Red-haired repairman: "Meanwhile you're gonna have people loading up virtue all day long and getting no reward, either worldly or transcendent. Sheesh!"
Panel 5:
Red-haired repairman: "You can run things like this a while, but eventually you get a situation where, so to speak, the wicked prosper and the faithless live at ease."
Panel 6:
God (off-panel): "Can you fix it?"
Red-haired repairman: "It's pretty beat up man. Tell you what, I can wrap the connection here in an afterlife where the righteous gain eternal bliss while evil ones suffer torment eternal."
Panel 7:
God (off-panel): "What about edge cases? Like those who die too young to be truly virtuous, or lives spent badly that were only turned around at the end?"
Panel 8:
Red-haired repairman: "I'll run a mercy override and flush them into the good place every six months or so."
Panel 9:
God (off-panel): "Can we not say 'flush'?"
Red-haired repairman: "They shall be born again!"
Votey:
A single speech balloon from the red-haired repairman: "I will still make flushing noises up here, however."
God (off-panel, speech from above): "God, why do bad things happen to good people?"
A repairman with flame-like red hair, crouched and inspecting some machinery: "Hold up, lemme take the lid off and... ah."
Panel 2:
Red-haired repairman (now standing, in profile): "There's your problem. The line running from virtue to happiness is frayed pretty bad."
Panel 3:
Red-haired repairman: "Normally you want that one real tight. Otherwise, things get so people are happy or even just indifferent to suffering, and they do fine. No feedback."
Panel 4:
Red-haired repairman: "Meanwhile you're gonna have people loading up virtue all day long and getting no reward, either worldly or transcendent. Sheesh!"
Panel 5:
Red-haired repairman: "You can run things like this a while, but eventually you get a situation where, so to speak, the wicked prosper and the faithless live at ease."
Panel 6:
God (off-panel): "Can you fix it?"
Red-haired repairman: "It's pretty beat up man. Tell you what, I can wrap the connection here in an afterlife where the righteous gain eternal bliss while evil ones suffer torment eternal."
Panel 7:
God (off-panel): "What about edge cases? Like those who die too young to be truly virtuous, or lives spent badly that were only turned around at the end?"
Panel 8:
Red-haired repairman: "I'll run a mercy override and flush them into the good place every six months or so."
Panel 9:
God (off-panel): "Can we not say 'flush'?"
Red-haired repairman: "They shall be born again!"
Votey:
A single speech balloon from the red-haired repairman: "I will still make flushing noises up here, however."
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic in which God consults a repairman about the broken machinery of cosmic justice, treated like plumbing. The repairman is a man with flame-like red hair who crouches over some glowing machinery. God, an unseen voice from above, asks, "God, why do bad things happen to good people?" The repairman lifts a lid and says, "There's your problem. The line running from virtue to happiness is frayed pretty bad." He explains that the connection should be tight, otherwise people stay happy or indifferent to suffering with "no feedback," and the virtuous get no reward while "the wicked prosper and the faithless live at ease." Asked if he can fix it, he offers a workaround: "I can wrap the connection here in an afterlife where the righteous gain eternal bliss while evil ones suffer torment eternal." When God raises edge cases, like people who die too young or repent only at the end, he says, "I'll run a mercy override and flush them into the good place every six months or so." God objects, "Can we not say 'flush'?" and the repairman rebrands it: "They shall be born again!" In the votey aftercomic, a single speech balloon from the repairman adds, "I will still make flushing noises up here, however."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.