oops-4
Original: oops-4 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
God (off-panel, from above): God, why is life so hard?
Woman with red hair (looking up): It's not. Life is great!
Panel 2:
Woman with red hair: You're born weak and frail. As time passes, you grow stronger. Bruised companions pop into existence and stay with you. Your body gets more beautiful and more perfect. And then you spend years making lovers, and then finally you begin to slow gradually, overtaken by goodness. Eventually you fade slowly toward a contented oblivion, bound forever to sleep in the arms of your mother.
Panel 3:
God (off-panel): That's the opposite of how it happens. You experience that's life run in reverse.
Panel 4:
Woman with red hair (shouting upward, alarmed): Holy living shit! The tape is in backwards!
Panel 5:
Woman with red hair: Oh holy living balls! It's a waking horror inside, stretched out over decades!
God (off-panel): How long has this been going on?
Woman with red hair: 14 billion years.
Panel 6:
Woman with red hair (despairing): What have I done!? What have I doooooonnne!?!?
Panel 7:
God (off-panel): Well, that's enough power for me, I guess. Goodnight!
Votey:
Caption (handwritten): Good thing nothing down there is technically conscious.
(Below the caption: a small sketch of a lion or similar animal lying down.)
God (off-panel, from above): God, why is life so hard?
Woman with red hair (looking up): It's not. Life is great!
Panel 2:
Woman with red hair: You're born weak and frail. As time passes, you grow stronger. Bruised companions pop into existence and stay with you. Your body gets more beautiful and more perfect. And then you spend years making lovers, and then finally you begin to slow gradually, overtaken by goodness. Eventually you fade slowly toward a contented oblivion, bound forever to sleep in the arms of your mother.
Panel 3:
God (off-panel): That's the opposite of how it happens. You experience that's life run in reverse.
Panel 4:
Woman with red hair (shouting upward, alarmed): Holy living shit! The tape is in backwards!
Panel 5:
Woman with red hair: Oh holy living balls! It's a waking horror inside, stretched out over decades!
God (off-panel): How long has this been going on?
Woman with red hair: 14 billion years.
Panel 6:
Woman with red hair (despairing): What have I done!? What have I doooooonnne!?!?
Panel 7:
God (off-panel): Well, that's enough power for me, I guess. Goodnight!
Votey:
Caption (handwritten): Good thing nothing down there is technically conscious.
(Below the caption: a small sketch of a lion or similar animal lying down.)
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired woman talks upward to an unseen God. She says life isn't hard, it's great, then describes existence: born weak, growing stronger, gaining companions and beauty, making lovers, then slowing down and fading into a contented oblivion asleep in her mother's arms. God replies that this is the opposite of how life actually happens, that she's describing life run in reverse. The woman panics, shouting that the tape is in backwards and that it's a waking horror stretched over decades. God asks how long it's been going on; she answers 14 billion years. She wails 'What have I done?!' God then says 'Well, that's enough power for me, I guess. Goodnight!' and apparently shuts things off. Votey: handwritten text reads 'Good thing nothing down there is technically conscious,' above a small sketch of an animal lying down — implying God dismisses the suffering he just caused because nothing is officially conscious.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.