unity-2
Original: unity-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Alien: Leaders of Earth, we have come to show you the path to unity, so that you will not destroy yourselves.
Panel 2:
Human leader: Teach us!
Panel 3:
Alien: There's nothing to teach. We're giving you this bigotry kit.
Panel 4:
Alien: Humans can only unite when they believe they have a shared enemy who is wicked out of pure badness, and who can be hated cleanly because they lack equal moral standing. That's why enemies are referred to as rats, insects, vermin, and various racial epithets.
Panel 5:
Alien: We Zorblaxians will be that enemy.
Panel 6:
Alien: The kit comes with a pre-fab set of offensive stereotypes, including several dozen slurs and some suggested conspiracy theories that allow you to blame US for your past differences and moral failures.
Panel 7 (silent):
(The alien holds up a sheet of paper.)
Panel 8:
Human leader: Surely there's another way.
Alien: Are you stupid? You don't look stupid.
Votey:
Alien: Look, this is your last shot before the Federation turns you into paste.
Alien: Leaders of Earth, we have come to show you the path to unity, so that you will not destroy yourselves.
Panel 2:
Human leader: Teach us!
Panel 3:
Alien: There's nothing to teach. We're giving you this bigotry kit.
Panel 4:
Alien: Humans can only unite when they believe they have a shared enemy who is wicked out of pure badness, and who can be hated cleanly because they lack equal moral standing. That's why enemies are referred to as rats, insects, vermin, and various racial epithets.
Panel 5:
Alien: We Zorblaxians will be that enemy.
Panel 6:
Alien: The kit comes with a pre-fab set of offensive stereotypes, including several dozen slurs and some suggested conspiracy theories that allow you to blame US for your past differences and moral failures.
Panel 7 (silent):
(The alien holds up a sheet of paper.)
Panel 8:
Human leader: Surely there's another way.
Alien: Are you stupid? You don't look stupid.
Votey:
Alien: Look, this is your last shot before the Federation turns you into paste.
Alt text
An alien with a large bulbous head sits at a long meeting table facing Earth's leaders. Panel 1: the alien says it has come to show humanity the path to unity so they won't destroy themselves. Panel 2: an eager human leader says "Teach us!" Panel 3: the alien says there's nothing to teach — it's giving them a "bigotry kit." Panel 4: the alien explains that humans can only unite when they believe they share an enemy who is wicked out of pure badness and can be hated cleanly because they lack equal moral standing, which is why enemies get called rats, insects, vermin, and slurs. Panel 5: the alien says "We Zorblaxians will be that enemy." Panel 6: it describes the kit's pre-fab offensive stereotypes, slurs, and conspiracy theories that let humans blame the aliens for their own failures. Panel 7: the alien silently holds up a sheet of paper. Panel 8: a human leader pleads "Surely there's another way," and the alien deadpans "Are you stupid? You don't look stupid." Votey: a close-up of the weary-looking alien saying "Look, this is your last shot before the Federation turns you into paste."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.