work-hard
Original: work-hard on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Young man with red hair: Dad, is getting ahead about hard work or about luck and advantages?
Panel 2:
Father (a balding man with glasses, seated in an armchair): Hard work.
Panel 3:
Father: If you really focus and dedicate yourself, and really CARE about your future, you can personally sabotage every single one of your peers.
Panel 4:
Father: My strategy is to work non-stop and barely sleep, but then act as if life is easy whenever I go to the office. This discourages co-workers or drives them to mental health crises, while simultaneously impressing my bosses.
Panel 5:
Father (now leaning toward a desk): If I can keep it up for five more years, I'll be in a position to delegate all my work to people just like me. I will enjoy several decades of rising pay for minimal work until I die at my desk and they pick over my corpse like starved animals.
Panel 6:
Father (laughing maniacally, gripping his own shoulders): Pick away, you jackals! You can't hurt a man whose soul's already in hell! Hahahahaha!
Panel 7:
Extreme close-up of the father's open, laughing mouth: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Panel 8:
Young man (standing): I'm gonna drop out of the system.
Panel 9:
Father (seated in the armchair, pointing): That is SO selfish.
Votey:
Off-panel voice: Sounds like someone needs to take you down a peg.
(Below the text, a close-up drawing of the father's smug, frowning face.)
Young man with red hair: Dad, is getting ahead about hard work or about luck and advantages?
Panel 2:
Father (a balding man with glasses, seated in an armchair): Hard work.
Panel 3:
Father: If you really focus and dedicate yourself, and really CARE about your future, you can personally sabotage every single one of your peers.
Panel 4:
Father: My strategy is to work non-stop and barely sleep, but then act as if life is easy whenever I go to the office. This discourages co-workers or drives them to mental health crises, while simultaneously impressing my bosses.
Panel 5:
Father (now leaning toward a desk): If I can keep it up for five more years, I'll be in a position to delegate all my work to people just like me. I will enjoy several decades of rising pay for minimal work until I die at my desk and they pick over my corpse like starved animals.
Panel 6:
Father (laughing maniacally, gripping his own shoulders): Pick away, you jackals! You can't hurt a man whose soul's already in hell! Hahahahaha!
Panel 7:
Extreme close-up of the father's open, laughing mouth: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Panel 8:
Young man (standing): I'm gonna drop out of the system.
Panel 9:
Father (seated in the armchair, pointing): That is SO selfish.
Votey:
Off-panel voice: Sounds like someone needs to take you down a peg.
(Below the text, a close-up drawing of the father's smug, frowning face.)
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired young man asks his bespectacled, balding father whether getting ahead is about hard work or about luck and advantages. The father, seated in an armchair, says "Hard work," then escalates into a chilling monologue: success means focusing, caring, and personally sabotaging every one of your peers; his strategy is to work nonstop and barely sleep while acting effortless at the office to drive co-workers into mental health crises and impress his bosses; in five years he'll delegate all his work to people just like him and enjoy decades of rising pay for minimal effort until he dies at his desk and colleagues pick over his corpse like starved animals. He then laughs maniacally, gripping his shoulders and shouting that no one can hurt a man whose soul is already in hell, with an extreme close-up of his cackling open mouth and rows of "AHAHAHA." The young man flatly says, "I'm gonna drop out of the system," and the father, pointing from his armchair, replies, "That is SO selfish." The votey aftercomic shows a smug close-up of the father's face with the line "Sounds like someone needs to take you down a peg."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.