nanacoin
Original: nanacoin on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): INTRODUCING NANACOIN™! A REVOLUTION IN THINGS THAT END WITH "-COIN"!
Image: A gold coin with a scalloped edge bearing a fancy cursive "N" monogram, on a purple background.
Panel 2 (caption): NANACOIN IS A PERFECT TRUST SYSTEM BECAUSE IT IS KEPT BY A CABAL OF BELOVED NANAS WHO WRITE DOWN ALL TRANSACTIONS IN A SPIRAL-BOUND NOTEBOOK.
Image: A green spiral-bound notebook labeled "Transactions" in cursive, beside a teacup.
Panel 3 (caption): ALL TRANSACTIONS CAN BE TRUSTED BECAUSE NANA NEVER LIES, AND BECAUSE ANY USER CAN CHECK THE LEDGER BY BICYCLING OVER AND WIPING THEIR SHOES BEFORE STEPPING ON THE CARPET.
Image: An open ledger with handwritten cursive entries: "Sally gave B... 7/17/1913 NC" and "Bobby gave D... 6/28/1853 NC", beside a cookie on a plate.
Panel 4 (caption): ALL TRANSACTIONS ARE ACCESSIBLE BECAUSE THEY ARE WRITTEN IN PERFECT CURSIVE USING A BALL-POINT PEN FROM A BULK PEN PURCHASE MADE 37 YEARS AGO.
Dialogue (a person at a doorway): CAN I PRETTY PLEASE COME SEE?
Reply (the nana): ONLY IF YOU ALSO HAVE A LEMON.
Panel 5 (caption): NANACOIN IS FRIENDLY TO THE ENVIRONMENT BECAUSE NANACOIN MINING IS ACCOMPLISHED BY DOING CHORES AND GOOD DEEDS.
Dialogue (the nana, holding up a coin to a man in silhouette): THANK YOU FOR DONATING BLOOD, MR. THIEL. HERE'S A SHINY NANA-NICKEL!
Panel 6 (caption): ALTHOUGH NANACOIN IS NOT CONTROLLED BY ANY STATE, IT CANNOT BE USED FOR ILLICIT ACTIVITIES, BECAUSE NANA WOULDN'T APPROVE OF THAT SORT OF THING.
Dialogue (the nana, writing with a quill, to a woman): KATIE, DO YOU REALLY NEED ALL OF THOSE DRUGS?
Reply (the woman, named Katie/Mrs. Slayton): NO, MRS. SLAYTON. I'M SORRY MRS. SLAYTON.
Bottom banner (caption): ORDER NANACOIN NOW BY LANDLINE, PHONECALL, OR AN ALL-CAPS FACEBOOK POST!
Final panel image: The large gold cursive-"N" NANACOIN coin beside a starburst speech/caption bubble reading: NANACOIN! "STILL A BETTER IDEA THAN USING 100 TERAWATT-HOURS A YEAR TO CREATE UNSPENDABLE CURRENCY!"™
Votey:
A woman off-panel shouts toward a man working at a desk with a rising line graph behind him: HUSBAND! ARE YOU IN THERE ALIENATING YOUR WEALTHIEST AUDIENCE MEMBERS?!
Image: A bald, bearded man sits at a desk, one hand to his face, with a jagged upward-trending stock chart drawn above him.
Image: A gold coin with a scalloped edge bearing a fancy cursive "N" monogram, on a purple background.
Panel 2 (caption): NANACOIN IS A PERFECT TRUST SYSTEM BECAUSE IT IS KEPT BY A CABAL OF BELOVED NANAS WHO WRITE DOWN ALL TRANSACTIONS IN A SPIRAL-BOUND NOTEBOOK.
Image: A green spiral-bound notebook labeled "Transactions" in cursive, beside a teacup.
Panel 3 (caption): ALL TRANSACTIONS CAN BE TRUSTED BECAUSE NANA NEVER LIES, AND BECAUSE ANY USER CAN CHECK THE LEDGER BY BICYCLING OVER AND WIPING THEIR SHOES BEFORE STEPPING ON THE CARPET.
Image: An open ledger with handwritten cursive entries: "Sally gave B... 7/17/1913 NC" and "Bobby gave D... 6/28/1853 NC", beside a cookie on a plate.
Panel 4 (caption): ALL TRANSACTIONS ARE ACCESSIBLE BECAUSE THEY ARE WRITTEN IN PERFECT CURSIVE USING A BALL-POINT PEN FROM A BULK PEN PURCHASE MADE 37 YEARS AGO.
Dialogue (a person at a doorway): CAN I PRETTY PLEASE COME SEE?
Reply (the nana): ONLY IF YOU ALSO HAVE A LEMON.
Panel 5 (caption): NANACOIN IS FRIENDLY TO THE ENVIRONMENT BECAUSE NANACOIN MINING IS ACCOMPLISHED BY DOING CHORES AND GOOD DEEDS.
Dialogue (the nana, holding up a coin to a man in silhouette): THANK YOU FOR DONATING BLOOD, MR. THIEL. HERE'S A SHINY NANA-NICKEL!
Panel 6 (caption): ALTHOUGH NANACOIN IS NOT CONTROLLED BY ANY STATE, IT CANNOT BE USED FOR ILLICIT ACTIVITIES, BECAUSE NANA WOULDN'T APPROVE OF THAT SORT OF THING.
Dialogue (the nana, writing with a quill, to a woman): KATIE, DO YOU REALLY NEED ALL OF THOSE DRUGS?
Reply (the woman, named Katie/Mrs. Slayton): NO, MRS. SLAYTON. I'M SORRY MRS. SLAYTON.
Bottom banner (caption): ORDER NANACOIN NOW BY LANDLINE, PHONECALL, OR AN ALL-CAPS FACEBOOK POST!
Final panel image: The large gold cursive-"N" NANACOIN coin beside a starburst speech/caption bubble reading: NANACOIN! "STILL A BETTER IDEA THAN USING 100 TERAWATT-HOURS A YEAR TO CREATE UNSPENDABLE CURRENCY!"™
Votey:
A woman off-panel shouts toward a man working at a desk with a rising line graph behind him: HUSBAND! ARE YOU IN THERE ALIENATING YOUR WEALTHIEST AUDIENCE MEMBERS?!
Image: A bald, bearded man sits at a desk, one hand to his face, with a jagged upward-trending stock chart drawn above him.
Alt text
A six-panel mock advertisement for "NANACOIN," a parody cryptocurrency run by grandmothers. Panel 1: a gold coin with a scalloped edge and a fancy cursive "N"; caption "Introducing NANACOIN! A revolution in things that end with '-coin'!" Panel 2: a green spiral notebook labeled "Transactions" next to a teacup; caption says it's a perfect trust system kept by a cabal of beloved nanas who write down all transactions in a spiral-bound notebook. Panel 3: an open handwritten ledger with old cursive dated entries and a cookie; caption says transactions can be trusted because nana never lies and anyone can check the ledger by bicycling over and wiping their shoes. Panel 4: a person at a doorway asks "Can I pretty please come see?" and the nana replies "Only if you also have a lemon"; caption praises the perfect cursive written with a ball-point pen from a bulk purchase 37 years ago. Panel 5: the nana hands a coin to a man drawn in black silhouette, saying "Thank you for donating blood, Mr. Thiel. Here's a shiny nana-nickel!"; caption says nanacoin mining is done through chores and good deeds. Panel 6: the nana writes with a quill and scolds a woman, "Katie, do you really need ALL of those drugs?" The woman answers meekly, "No, Mrs. Slayton. I'm sorry Mrs. Slayton"; caption says it can't be used for illicit activities because nana wouldn't approve. A bottom banner reads "Order NANACOIN now by landline, phonecall, or an all-caps Facebook post!" The final image shows the big gold coin beside a burst bubble: "NANACOIN! Still a better idea than using 100 terawatt-hours a year to create unspendable currency!" The joke skewers cryptocurrency by making the absurd "nana ledger" sound more sensible than real crypto. Votey aftercomic: a bald bearded man sits at a desk under a jagged upward stock chart while an off-panel woman yells, "Husband! Are you in there alienating your wealthiest audience members?!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.