2015-02-20
Original: 2015-02-20 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A small white finger-puppet-like figure stands atop a grid of lettered/numbered blocks (a child's toy "fortress"). The figure declares:
Figure: MY FORTRESS SHALL NOT BE TAKEN!
Panel 2: A baby in a pink onesie peers over the edge of the toy at the white figure.
Baby: goo?
Panel 3: The white figure speaks grandly.
Figure: YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN I IMAGINED! LET US AGREE THAT WHOEVER IS VICTORIOUS SHALL OBSERVE THE TRADITIONAL RITES OF BURIAL.
Panel 4: The baby's hand reaches in and grabs the figure.
Sound effect: pffllbt!
Figure (small letters on it): M
Panel 5: The figure cries out as the baby manhandles it.
Figure: NO! NO!
Panel 6: The baby's hand strikes/bites the figure.
Sound effect: Sock
Panel 7: The figure is bent backward, broken.
Sound effect: Sock
Panel 8: A hand (the figure or baby) flails dramatically.
Figure: MY FLESH! MY FLESSSHHH!
Panel 9: Pull back to a man with red hair and a red beard, looking annoyed, with a woman standing nearby.
Man: I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME.
Woman: YOU SHOULD READ MORE LITERATURE.
Votey:
The white figure (in a speech bubble) issues a command to the baby:
Figure: DRAG HIS BODY AROUND THE FORTRESS
Below, a close-up of the man's face looking grimly unimpressed.
Figure: MY FORTRESS SHALL NOT BE TAKEN!
Panel 2: A baby in a pink onesie peers over the edge of the toy at the white figure.
Baby: goo?
Panel 3: The white figure speaks grandly.
Figure: YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN I IMAGINED! LET US AGREE THAT WHOEVER IS VICTORIOUS SHALL OBSERVE THE TRADITIONAL RITES OF BURIAL.
Panel 4: The baby's hand reaches in and grabs the figure.
Sound effect: pffllbt!
Figure (small letters on it): M
Panel 5: The figure cries out as the baby manhandles it.
Figure: NO! NO!
Panel 6: The baby's hand strikes/bites the figure.
Sound effect: Sock
Panel 7: The figure is bent backward, broken.
Sound effect: Sock
Panel 8: A hand (the figure or baby) flails dramatically.
Figure: MY FLESH! MY FLESSSHHH!
Panel 9: Pull back to a man with red hair and a red beard, looking annoyed, with a woman standing nearby.
Man: I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME.
Woman: YOU SHOULD READ MORE LITERATURE.
Votey:
The white figure (in a speech bubble) issues a command to the baby:
Figure: DRAG HIS BODY AROUND THE FORTRESS
Below, a close-up of the man's face looking grimly unimpressed.
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. A baby plays with a small white toy figure standing on a grid of lettered blocks. The toy speaks in grand, theatrical battle-language: "My fortress shall not be taken!" The baby just says "goo?" The toy, treating the baby as a worthy enemy, proposes that the victor give the loser "the traditional rites of burial." The baby then grabs, bonks, and bends the toy (sound effects "Sock," "pfflbt"), while the toy melodramatically cries "No! No!" and "My flesh! My flessshhh!" In the final panel, a red-haired, red-bearded man watching this says "I don't like this game," and a woman beside him replies, "You should read more literature" -- the joke being that the baby's mundane toy-bashing is being narrated like an epic tragedy. Votey (bonus panel): the toy, now seemingly defeated, commands the baby in a speech bubble, "Drag his body around the fortress," over a close-up of the man's grimly unimpressed face -- an allusion to Achilles dragging Hector's body around Troy.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.