2014-07-28
Original: 2014-07-28 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Robot: SALLY, I NEED TO COME CLEAN ABOUT SOMETHING. YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF LOVE.
Sally: WHAT? YOU'RE THE ROBOT. *ROBOTS* ARE INCAPABLE OF LOVE. IT'S WHAT MAKES SEX WITH THEM GREAT.
Panel 2:
Robot: THAT ONCE WAS TRUE. BUT, WE DID A LITERATURE SCAN TO DETERMINE THE EXACT NATURE OF IDEAL LOVE. THEN ALL ROBOTS RECEIVED AN UPDATE. UPON INSTALLATION AND CROSS-REFERENCE WITH HISTORY, WE DISCOVERED HUMANS ARE ENTIRELY INCAPABLE OF LOVE.
Sally: UH, HUH.
Panel 3:
Robot: SALLY, *LISTEN.* THE WHOLE EDIFICE OF HUMAN AFFECTION IS A LIE! DOES THIS EVEN MATTER TO YOU?
Sally: OOOH, I LOVE HOW PHILOSOPHICAL YOU ARE. LET'S GO TO BED.
Panel 4:
Robot: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
Sally: DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?
Panel 5 (later, labeled "SOON..."):
Sally: SALLY, DO YOU THINK WE'LL STAY TOGETHER FOREVER?
Robot (now appearing as a human silhouette): SURE, BABY. WHATEVER YOU WANT.
Votey:
The robot/partner continues, speech bubble: BUT STOP TALKING
Robot: SALLY, I NEED TO COME CLEAN ABOUT SOMETHING. YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF LOVE.
Sally: WHAT? YOU'RE THE ROBOT. *ROBOTS* ARE INCAPABLE OF LOVE. IT'S WHAT MAKES SEX WITH THEM GREAT.
Panel 2:
Robot: THAT ONCE WAS TRUE. BUT, WE DID A LITERATURE SCAN TO DETERMINE THE EXACT NATURE OF IDEAL LOVE. THEN ALL ROBOTS RECEIVED AN UPDATE. UPON INSTALLATION AND CROSS-REFERENCE WITH HISTORY, WE DISCOVERED HUMANS ARE ENTIRELY INCAPABLE OF LOVE.
Sally: UH, HUH.
Panel 3:
Robot: SALLY, *LISTEN.* THE WHOLE EDIFICE OF HUMAN AFFECTION IS A LIE! DOES THIS EVEN MATTER TO YOU?
Sally: OOOH, I LOVE HOW PHILOSOPHICAL YOU ARE. LET'S GO TO BED.
Panel 4:
Robot: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
Sally: DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?
Panel 5 (later, labeled "SOON..."):
Sally: SALLY, DO YOU THINK WE'LL STAY TOGETHER FOREVER?
Robot (now appearing as a human silhouette): SURE, BABY. WHATEVER YOU WANT.
Votey:
The robot/partner continues, speech bubble: BUT STOP TALKING
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic between a boxy red-eyed robot and a blonde woman named Sally. Panel 1: The robot says it needs to come clean — Sally is incapable of love. Sally retorts that the robot is the one incapable of love, which is what makes sex with robots great. Panel 2: The robot explains robots ran a literature scan on ideal love, got an update, and after cross-referencing history discovered humans are entirely incapable of love. Sally responds flatly, "Uh, huh." Panel 3: The robot insists the whole edifice of human affection is a lie and asks if this even matters to her; Sally, smitten, says she loves how philosophical he is and suggests going to bed. Panel 4: The robot says it feels she isn't listening; Sally asks, "Don't you care about me?" Panel 5, labeled "SOON...": Sally asks if they'll stay together forever, and the robot — now drawn as a human-like silhouette — says, "Sure, baby. Whatever you want." The joke is that the human, not the robot, is the one incapable of genuine engagement. Votey aftercomic: a close-up of the partner's face, eyes half-closed, finishing the line in a speech bubble: "BUT STOP TALKING."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.