2012-01-04
Original: 2012-01-04 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (holding a device): This is the Balls-O-Tron. It emits pressure waves at the resonant frequency of your balls, causing them to wobble obscenely, stripping you of your dignity any time I want.
Panel 2:
Woman: This is a violation of my right to privacy! How dare y--
Sound effect: WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE
Panel 3:
Woman: This aggression will not stand! I will not give in to--
Sound effect: WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE
Panel 4:
Woman: DAMMIT!
Man: This isn't over.
(Caption: TWO WEEKS LATER)
Panel 5:
Woman: Hey, I wanted to talk to you. We haven't been spending enough time together lately and--
Sound effect: WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE
Panel 6:
Man: What the--
Woman: This is the Boobs-O-Tron.
Panel 7:
Woman: The Boobs-O-Tron is a gamechanger, Sally. It will allow me to--
Panel 8:
Woman: The Boobs-O-Tron is a gamechanger, Sally. It will allow me to reclaim my right--
Sound effect: WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE
Panel 9:
Man: DAMMIT!
Panels 10-13: Wordless sequence — close-ups of the woman, then the man, then abstract red wobbling/resonance imagery filling the panels.
Panel 14: Exterior shot of a suburban house, calm.
Panel 15: The house explodes.
Sound effect: BOOM!
Panel 16: A newspaper.
Newspaper banner: News Net
Headline: ENGINEER-ENGINEER MARRIAGE BANNED
Votey:
A bearded man lying down, a thought bubble above his head.
Thought bubble: NOW, ALL I CAN VISUALIZE IS WOBBLING BALLS...
Man (holding a device): This is the Balls-O-Tron. It emits pressure waves at the resonant frequency of your balls, causing them to wobble obscenely, stripping you of your dignity any time I want.
Panel 2:
Woman: This is a violation of my right to privacy! How dare y--
Sound effect: WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE
Panel 3:
Woman: This aggression will not stand! I will not give in to--
Sound effect: WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE
Panel 4:
Woman: DAMMIT!
Man: This isn't over.
(Caption: TWO WEEKS LATER)
Panel 5:
Woman: Hey, I wanted to talk to you. We haven't been spending enough time together lately and--
Sound effect: WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE
Panel 6:
Man: What the--
Woman: This is the Boobs-O-Tron.
Panel 7:
Woman: The Boobs-O-Tron is a gamechanger, Sally. It will allow me to--
Panel 8:
Woman: The Boobs-O-Tron is a gamechanger, Sally. It will allow me to reclaim my right--
Sound effect: WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE
Panel 9:
Man: DAMMIT!
Panels 10-13: Wordless sequence — close-ups of the woman, then the man, then abstract red wobbling/resonance imagery filling the panels.
Panel 14: Exterior shot of a suburban house, calm.
Panel 15: The house explodes.
Sound effect: BOOM!
Panel 16: A newspaper.
Newspaper banner: News Net
Headline: ENGINEER-ENGINEER MARRIAGE BANNED
Votey:
A bearded man lying down, a thought bubble above his head.
Thought bubble: NOW, ALL I CAN VISUALIZE IS WOBBLING BALLS...
Alt text
A long SMBC comic strip. A clean-shaven man holds up a device and tells a woman it is the "Balls-O-Tron," which emits pressure waves at the resonant frequency of her balls to make them wobble obscenely and strip her of her dignity whenever he wants. As she protests ("This is a violation of my right to privacy! How dare y--" / "This aggression will not stand!"), a WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE effect repeatedly interrupts her until she shouts "DAMMIT!" The man says, "This isn't over." A caption reads TWO WEEKS LATER. Now the woman approaches the man with her own device. As he tries to talk about their relationship, a WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE interrupts him. She announces it is the "Boobs-O-Tron," a gamechanger that will let her reclaim her rights, but the WOBBLE effect cuts her off and he yells "DAMMIT!" A wordless sequence of escalating panels follows, full of swirling red resonance imagery, ending with an exterior shot of a suburban house that then explodes with a BOOM. The final panel shows a newspaper from "News Net" with the headline: ENGINEER-ENGINEER MARRIAGE BANNED. Votey: a black-and-white panel of a bearded man lying down with a thought bubble reading "NOW, ALL I CAN VISUALIZE IS WOBBLING BALLS..."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.